Viz Top Tips

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by El Toro, Aug 24, 2012.

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  1. Save money on Oysters - Simply crack an egg into a used ashtray, and add a dash of sea water for that authentic taste!
     
    #41 Littlebert, Sep 4, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  2. KIDS. Don’t be scared about starting Big School. Heads flushed down toilets doesn’t really happen - they have knives now.
     
    #42 El Toro, Sep 5, 2012
  3. CORDLESS phones make ideal mobile phones for agoraphobics.
     
    #43 Rudolph Hart, Sep 6, 2012
  4. POTHOLERS. Take a tip from cats and avoid getting stuck in holes by growing a moustache to the exact width of your body.
     
    #44 Rudolph Hart, Sep 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Barmaids: pull all of my mates lagers first, and THEN my Guinness, to ensure I spend half my fucking night at the bar!
     
    #45 El Toro, Sep 7, 2012
  6. PEOPLE CALLED Steven. Save time by calling yourself Steve.
     
    #46 El Toro, Sep 7, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  7. SAVE MONEY on milk by not reporting your neighbour's death.
    You can even leave a note for their milkman to bring more expensive items like chicken or spuds.
     
    #47 Rudolph Hart, Sep 7, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  8. WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine?
    Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.
     
    #48 Rudolph Hart, Sep 7, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  9. CONVINCE your neighbours you've installed a sauna by going to your shed in a dressing gown.
     
    #49 El Toro, Oct 5, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  10. wheelie past speed cameras at an angle of approximately 80 degrees, thereby preventing number plate detection.
     
    #50 funkyrimpler, Oct 5, 2012

  11. convince your neighbours that you have a solarium by installing a hydroponic cannabis farm in your spare bedroom.
     
    #51 funkyrimpler, Oct 5, 2012
  12. SAVE MONEY on air freshener by sticking lavender up your bum. Then every time you fart a burst of soothing fragrance is released into your home.
     
    #52 Rudolph Hart, Oct 6, 2012
  13. PRETEND you're a politician by starting every sentence with "What's important is ..". Then fiddling your expenses.
     
    #53 El Toro, Oct 7, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  14. ASTHMATICS. Avoid going on holiday to places where the scenery is described as breathtaking.
     
    #54 Rudolph Hart, Oct 7, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  15. POLITICIANS. Breathe out, never breathe in again. Give us all a break.
     
    #55 Rudolph Hart, Oct 7, 2012
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