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Thick People?

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Robarano, Apr 18, 2018.

  1. One of my old bosses:

    "It's all milk under the bridge"
    "It's down here in black and blue"
    "I'm not going to sit here and stand for it"
    "You will be pleased to hear my daughter has just concepted"
    "Call yourself an estimator? You want to get back to your humble oranges"

    His son was sent on-site to learn building renovation and repairs. He saw guys dropping a chimney stack at roof level by sending the bricks down the flue to the ground floor hearth.
    So in went with "I'll give you a hand to clear the rubble", so he put his hands in the fireplace opening. - smack! smack! as a load of bricks hit his hands. Three broken fingers and one broken thumb. He was put in the office after that.

    My first ex-father-in-law when he saw my new dog: "My god, that's an Afriganister"

    An acquaintance of mine used to drive with a fag in his right hand, but lean across to the middle ashtray without changing hands. He also suggested he sprayed my house render (whole house) with new paint because he was a car body sprayer.

    A heating engineer putting in new oil boiler in my house tried to stop a kerosene leak in the oil tank to boiler supply pipe tried to re-solder the joint - he didn't drain the pipe - trouser and pipe in flames. Thank F it was outside.
     
  2. I run a building company in the alps. We have and always have had our concrete poured by Alp Beton, we sub to a business called Alpine renovations, our business is located on Route des Grandes Alpes, in fact every second business is named Alp this or Alpine that. I have a plasterer on my books from Donegal who has worked for me for more than five years and last summer as we are driving up to site he's looking up at the mountains surrounding us and ask "So, are these the Alps?"
    I gently replied that yes, they are indeed 'the alps'. With a puzzled look his next question was; "So which are the Andes? I thought these were the Andes".
     
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  3. Too many sadly

    We live in a society where it’s funny to be a dribbler
     
  4. Driving past a Fire Station in a village near Berwick-on-Tweed , t'wife pipes up - "Oh - look at that tiny block of flats" - "I think you'll find that it is a hose drying tower my sweet" was my reply !
     
    #24 drax dave, Apr 18, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2018
  5. Watching the Tattoo, wife opinions " must be difficult being at the back of the group, they have to march faster than the guys at the front to keep up !!
     
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  6. Worked for a company spread over 3 floors with reception on ground floor... we had a gorgeous girl start as receptionist, but she wasn't the brightest. We had a tannoy system so we used to ask her to broadcast messages....."would Mike hunt come to reception" was a favourite and"would the person who borrowed the company elbow grease return it" .... good days !!
     
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  7. Physicals question.... all being equal which would support the great weight?
     
  8. Intelligence is an interesting thing to measure.....
    An aborigine would score very low in a standard Western IQ test.....
    I would last just a few days in the Oz dessert......
    Where he'd be still mulling over the IQ test while my bones bleached in the Sun.

    My point.... measurement.... interesting.... but useful?
     
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  9. The one under tension and not compression but my answer does depend on the design and materials to some extent :yum
     
  10. Well I don’t really know my hawk wingspans but I’m still not sure they could hover with a speed camera :p
    Boom boom!
     
  11. I think I will keep out of this one :innocent:
     
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  12. Red faced the only red you don’t do? :thinkingface:
     
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  13.  
  14. I once worked I a bar in Blanes,Spain. The holiday rep for two hotels either side of the bar used to have her rep meetings there, she would deal with any issues and also sell excursions and such.
    One day an Irish family came in wanting to book a day trip to Portadventura, a Spanish water park just down the coast.
    After a quick conversation the Rep explained that the day of the excursion was every Tuesday ( the day this happened was thursday) yet the Irish family flew home on the monday so would miss the trip.
    Undeterred the Irish Dad said he understood and that the family had been looking forward to the trip all week so could he please book it. After explaining a few more times the Rep asked me over to help.
    Mate, I said, if you pay the lady for this trip, you will never get to go on it because you'll be back in Ireland.
    Yep, he nodded.
    So you undertand you will be in an entirely different country a thousand miles away when the coach arrives to pick you up? Said I.
    Yep, he said, turned to his wife and rolled his eyes at us Muppets.
    To which i turned to the Rep and said.....
    Sell him the trip!
     
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  15. Yes, some people are very thick. Some people are also blind, short, legless, epileptic, deaf, or bald. Making jokes about other peoples' problems and weaknesses is fine - provided you don't mind them making fun of your weaknesses too, and provided it doesn't descend into simple bullying. Nobody's perfect ...
     
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  16. :sleeping: I think you’re stretching things a bit, comparing a few jokes about something being dim to making fun of someone losing a leg or having epilepsy.

    Especially as, on this particular subject, I bet we’ve all been a bit dumb in our lives.

    Ricky gervais puts it well. You can make fun of the subject, it doesn’t have to be considered an attack on the person.
     
  17. so, excuse me for being dumb, but why WERE the hanging baskets different heights?
     
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 1
  18. what if you dont have any weaknesses?
     
  19. Screw holes lined up perfectly, but he’d hung one basket bracket upside down so the basket hung lower than the other by the height of the bracket.
     
  20. All humor is based on someone's perceived shortcomings and your superiority, ginger, blond, Irish, Scotish, English, Welsh etc., etc.,
    So why is it acceptable to make fun of certain subjects, being ginger for example but not black people ? (just an example)
    Humors a funny thing innit.
    But having said that, I do find someone diving into a swimming pool to find is sold ice :)

    p.s. Was asked to make fitted wardrobes in a university professor's rather large and tall bedroom once, he wanted 7ft tall wardrobes either side of the bed and cupboards to occupy the remaining 3ft above, from wall to wall across the top of the bed. Anyway he had this brainwave that if the doors swung downwards the contents of the cupboards wouldn't fall out. I had to point out to him with a 3ft door in the way he wouldn't be able to get to the contents anyway.
     
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