Viz Top Tips

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by El Toro, Aug 24, 2012.

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  1. Recreate the magic of investing in Facebook shares by selling tenners for a fiver. :upyeah:
     
    #1 El Toro, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 5
  2. Excellent idea for a thread! I am hoping that Rudolph Hart and Phartycr0c will be along soon to fill it up.
     
    #2 gliddofglood, Aug 24, 2012
  3. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? As you’ve no doubt been made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours – ask for a nice steak. :smile:
     
    #3 El Toro, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  4. To avoid being blinded by switching on the light upon needing to visit the toilet in the middle of the night.

    Fasten a length of cotton between the bedroom and the toilet and stretch it taught.

    When you get out of bed with your eyes still closed straddle the length of cotton twixt bum cheeks and shuffle to the toilet using the cotton to guide your way!
     
    #4 CRYSTALJOHN, Aug 24, 2012
  5. Stop getting caught by average speed cameras by driving at over 140 then stopping before the last one and pretend you have a puncture for a minute
     
    #5 Char, Aug 24, 2012
  6. Increase your popularity by posting all GP, SBK and BSB results in totally unrelated threads on here, alternatively start your own threads but never use the word 'spoiler'.
     
    #6 Drinky, Aug 24, 2012
  7. Reduce the risk of night time fire by soaking all your furniture with a hosepipe before going to bed.
     
    #7 El Toro, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Save wear and tear on your carpets by-

    rolling them up and storing them in the loft.
     
    #8 CRYSTALJOHN, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  9. AMERICANS. Build your houses out of bricks and mortar instead of cheap wood to avoid having them destroyed by hurricanes every few weeks.
     
    #9 El Toro, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Drivers. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
     
    #10 CRYSTALJOHN, Aug 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Save money on buying a real M series and just stick an M badge on the back of your car.

    Fools me every time.....
     
    #11 SimonT, Aug 24, 2012
  12. Never run out of butter, use margarine instead.
     
    #12 Greyman, Aug 25, 2012
  13. OLD PEOPLE. Attach a sweeping brush to the front of your mobility trolley. Now, instead of being a menace on the pavements, you can provide a valuable service to your community.
     
    #13 El Toro, Aug 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Sombre and Sombrero, two little letters but a world of difference at a funeral
     
    #14 shadow, Aug 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 4
  15. People who crash cars whilst drunk are ok. It's those that crash sober that need a ban!
     
    #15 Nelson, Aug 25, 2012
  16. These made me laugh

    Ladies, an empty aluminium cigar tube filled with wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

    Ugly northern birds, become instantly better looking by moving down south.

    A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

    Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on every step.
     
    #16 Pierre 66, Aug 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  17. MEN. CAN'T get a blow job? Simply strip bollock naked, plonk yourself arse-first into an empty dustbin, and you should be able to do it yourself. Use a pile of tyres instead of a dustbin if you require deep throat.
     
    #17 CRYSTALJOHN, Aug 25, 2012
  18. Save on expensive front tyres by incorporating a huge wheelie into every journey
     
    #18 philoldsmobile, Aug 25, 2012
  19. Save on even more expensive rear tyres by incorporating a huge stoppie into every journey.
     
    #19 Dave, Aug 25, 2012
  20. Save on both front and rear tyres by taking the car instead!!
     
    #20 SimonT, Aug 25, 2012
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