Joke Page

Someone asked me if i had heard about a film called Constipation.
I said no, and they replied: "That's because it hasn't come out yet."

 

How do Mexicans keep warm?
They use Chicken for Heaters...

 

Two sewage workers were taking a break inside a large drain. One said to the other: ”Do you know? I've worked here so long I can identify a turd down to its original owner at times." "bollocks ” said his colleague. "Right," the other one said. "This massive floater on its way down to us. That was sent down here by my wife." "How can you possibly know that?" his mate said. "Because its got my sandwiches tied on to it!!"

 

I did this one on Facebook recently.... what a mistake a to make a,.,., got a right bashing about being insensitive to mental illness!

 

I'd consider myself a fairly modern man, I've got no problem buying tampons, but apparently they're not a 'proper' present.

 

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.

The doctor askes her what had happened.

She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone.

"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."

"The bastard called again"

 

Latest BBC News

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike today in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this July from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.