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I used to supply Filofaxes to the Mafia. I was involved in very organised crime.
This time last year I was miserable & depressed. But this year I have managed to turn it around. Now I'm depressed & miserable.
Only if Barrymore is in the dock.
This thread may be of use: http://ducatiforum.co.uk/f8/oil-change-nightmare-19895/
I told my new secretary I would promote her if she gave me a blow job. She did, so I wrote on the wall in the gents: 'Samantha gives great head.'
My mate has a scary new girlfriend, so before heading round to her place for a shag he had a couple of shots. I think they were for tetanus &...
Austria's greatest achievements: Convincing the world that Beethoven was Austrian, and Hitler was German....
Went poaching with a trappist monk last night. Useless twat didn't even say sorry when he caught naff all..
Tried paint balling yesterday. My nuts are now a lovely shade of blue...
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how You can...
My mate said he was flashed by a speed camera going through Staines today. He couldn't understand it, he was only doing 30 knots.
Valentine's Day. A day when you can find both single men & women with a box of tissues & a film.
The appearance of a white/milky residue in the oil sight glass is often just condensation as the oil & water particles form an emulsion. It's...
The Aga Khan is apparently the richest man in Britain. I never realised there was so much money in selling cookers...
Got the wife really wet last night for Valentine's Day. Took her to a restaurant in Milford on Sea.
Congratulations to Lizzy Yarnold for winning Gold in the Winter Olympics. The expert coaching provided by David Beckham on how to ride the...
My house in Somerset has now doubled in value. A few weeks ago it was over 30 miles from the coast. Now we can advertise it as having a sea view....
My mate says he's seen an 85-year old guy, flat out in a Skoda in London...
David Cameron has asked lesbian Tory MP Margot James to take some friends to Somerset & Surrey. Apparently he has heard they are desperately in...
David Cameron has said he will throw money at the floods. Sandbags might be better.....
