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The wife complained that I keep telling her how to cook. The conversation got quite heated, so I told her to simmer down.
An elderly blind man said to his wife, "Are you wearing flip flops?" "No." She replied. "I'm not wearing my bra."
Ireland hasn’t yet grasped the concept of electric cars: Their garages have electricity priced up at £1.30 per litre..
Q. What do bananas wear when they go to war? A. Bananarama.
Q. What do you see when a duck bends over? A. His butt quack..
They say the Royal Family hold no sway in modern democracy. Yet one who is only 4 days old has already got Danny Baker the sack..
A cruise line company has introduced its own white wine: P & O Grigio..
I plugged in my Les Paul, turned it up full and leaned it against my Marshall amp. I then held my phone beside it for a minute. British Gas say...
Archie Duke shot an ostrich: [MEDIA]
I've bought shares in a cement factory in Devon: I've put my money in Brixham mortar..
Latest odds on the baby's name: Denzil: 2/1 Leroy: 5/2 Winston: 3/1 Chalky: 7/2 Earl: 4/1
[ATTACH]
I lost a boxing match with a pirate. The bastard had a vicious right hook...
I know an Irish entertainer who eats light bulbs and razor blades on stage. When asked what broken glass & razor blades taste like, he said:...
When I was younger, people told me that by drinking five glasses of milk I would grow up stronger and be able to move walls. Well now I'm older,...
The wife used to finish marathons in record time. Then they changed the name to Snickers..
My mate used to be a stool sample examiner in a Pathology laboratory, but his heart wasn’t in the job: He was just going through the motions..
The wife said, "When I drink coffee I can't sleep." I replied, "Really? I have the exact opposite." She said, "Wow, seriously?" I replied,...
The new blonde in the office came back from the shops with some new shoes. She said the shop assistant told her they might feel rather tight for...
Police are investigating a raid at Tiffany's in London. The suspects were last seen 'running just as fast as they can, holding on to one...
