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A man in the U.S. is reported to have died after eating in excess of a bag of liquorice every day: His family must be going through all sorts..
Our local stationery shop has moved. How's that for irony?
The 10pm curfew is a great plan: The virus will be so confused when the clocks go back..
My mate said he paid a carpenter to make a double bed, and the bugger’s done a bunk...
My mate is a Gregg’s lorry driver delivering to Hull, Grimsby and Scunthorpe. He said his maths teacher always told him to take pie to 3 dismal...
The wife bought what she thought was a new deep fat fryer from the internet, but she sent it back: Apparently there was a chip in it...
The wife says she is going to start planning meals a week in advance: That's food forethought.....
I went to see my GP about my fear of palindromes: He prescribed xanax.
My mate said his cat has swallowed twenty £1 coins. I told him not to worry, at least he has money in the kitty for the vet's bill...
Boris Johnson only became a father because he couldn’t agree upon a withdrawal arrangement...
Had a text from my mate: ‘36C and dry’ Apparently he was referring to their holiday weather in Greece, and not to his wife’s boobs & fanny...
John Lewis are advertising a bra-fitting event, so I just rang them to see if I could book a front row seat. The snooty woman on the other end of...
Another place I can't stand: Our local ice rink...
My mate spent yesterday laying turf in his front garden, but someone stole it last night. He’s been standing outside, looking forlorn..
My mate’s wife calls his knob ‘Manchester City’: Because neither have reached a semi for several years...
Q. What is Snow White’s favourite drink? A. 7-up in cider.
The table service app in our local pub is rubbish: I've been sat waiting in our back garden for hours, and I'm spitting feathers...
My mate asked, "What's six inches long, pink and makes my wife moan all day long?! I replied, "I dunno." He said, "Her tongue."
There's something iffy about the arrest of Man Utd's captain: Harry Maguire tackling 2 blokes in one night???
My mate has a new girlfriend who is a nurse. He said everybody calls her 'Cancer Kate'. "Is that because she works in an oncology ward?" I...
