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My first girlfriend had a body like a Greek statue: completely pale, no arms.
The wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Q. What do you get if you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole? A. Hot, cross bunnies.
A Police Community Support Officer was arrested earlier this week after a video of him having a wank whilst sat on a London park bench went viral....
Talk about rip off Britain.. My annual fuel bill estimate is almost the equivalent of my local MP's pay rise.
"It's National Anal Day today." I said to my wife. "Oh, for god's sake." She replied, "Do you honestly think I'm that naive?" "No..." I said,...
My mate can't help being lazy. It walks in his family.
I have a friend who wouldn't say boo to a goose. He has Tourette's; he'd tell it to feck off..
I plan to join a secret meeting of the Innuendo Club by slipping in the back door.
Alec Baldwin's wife is pregnant. Further evidence that he doesn't fire blanks....
The Queen controversially chose Prince Andrew, to escort her to the memorial service for The Duke of Edinburgh. Be fair. The Royals could hardly...
Q. What did police find on Chris Rock's face after the Oscars ceremony? A. Fresh prints.
We're not into April yet, and already there's a little black disc in my garden. Is this a record?
Just seen an article where a mother fed a family of five for a pound. She obviously didn't use a fecking gas cooker then...
I need some help to build a doorway: That's where you come in..
The UK budget for the armed forces is currently £3.1 billion. That'll be half a dozen petrol bombs then....
Another Russian general has been killed. Putin's war is costing an army and an Oleg..
During breakfast, my wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter. I nearly choked on my #brown.
My mate has just proposed to a scouse slapper: He says she's ugly, covered in cheap tattoos, can't cook & swears like a trooper... But she can...
Q. What do women & boxes of cereals have in common? A. To open slide finger under flap....
