Difficult... But I Confess.

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Noods, Nov 27, 2018.

  1. One of, if not the, most difficult confessions I’ve made, but as I’m currently going through rehab I’m being pushed to tell the world about the moments or periods of life I’m ashamed of etc..

    I confess to anyone who may be interested both in an attempt to improve my own life and for others who may be struggling in a similar way that I’m a self harmer of some 42 years..

    As of nearly 7 weeks I can now say, I’m now an ex self harmer thanks to the help recieved and for being in an improved place..

    Such was the place I was in I can honestly say often I didn’t realise that I’d cut myself until the blood began hitting the floor..

    For me I felt I deserved the reminder that the scars left.. The pain in my head was purely of the dislike I had for oneself..

    It’s more painful admitting that I did this than it was to actually do the deed..


    Very difficult for those who have not had such issues in life to understand why?
    The very fact that most garners do it such a way that they can hide the scars from view I believe states that it’s not a cry for help or attention for you would show them if that was so..

    I believe it’s a very private individual thing, well at least while your doing the deed..

    Anyway, I’m now very much an ex self harmer...
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  2. And I am very happy to know that!
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  3. You need a new therapist fella
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  4. Well done for facing it, I have no idea how hard it must be but I'm pretty sure it is among 'hardest things' in life. I hope sharing this will truly help you :upyeah:
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  5. Mental health issues are getting out of hand. I know two friends of friends under 50 who have committed suicide in the last 3 months. Both had young families.

    I sincerely hope you manage to deal with your daemons Noods.

    Good luck.
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  6. Jeepers! Well done fella! Another one of lifes facets that I don't pretend to comprehend. My niece is a chronic self harmer too, worries the crap out of her parents... Good luck for the future.
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  7. Good for you to come out as it were I hope it helps.

    Not to make light of it but....to make light of it...owning a 16 year Ducati with 43000 miles could be said to be self harming ;-)...so spare a thought for me !
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  8. Well done, Noods. Hopefully, telling us has lifted some of the weight off you.
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  9. Yes it has mate... it’s kinda in progress.. my therapy sessions have taught me how it’s ok to share even terrible events and thoughts.. unless your honest by yourself and admit the issues you have to yourself you have no chance of ever getting better..
    my cupboard doors are wide open now as such and it’s really helping..

    Abused as a kid the loss of my Dad and the two episodes of the ex bro in law as a phido withdrew me severely, i had no trust in anyone, I wanted to blame someone for these events, no sympathy was looked for just blame to apportion.. i chose me..

    What 2 months ago now standing on the London - Norwich Rail track waiting for my train out of here, to hear the words of a WPC saying “ she wanted to help me” the words just seemed to click.. I volunteered to go into hospital and here we are now... actually beginning to feel alive and at last feeling I have reason to be so.. x
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  10. Good luck with your program Noodle....
    Any Ducati type projects on going at the moment?
  11. @Noods Thank you for sharing with us, which must have been searingly difficult. Good luck with maintaining your "ex" record. And do let us know how you are doing. Best wishes.
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  12. Yes mte been posting pics on my 916 project page .. x
  13. Welcome home fella. One step at a time. It must have been hard to let the world know, but hey I don’t think I or anyone else thinks any less of you for that. In fact I’m proud that you did. Have a pat on the back.:cool: :cool::cool:

    I know that this is a motorcycle forum, but all walks life live here, good bad and indifferent.

    For instance ....I watch I’m a Celebrity :confused:
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  14. Me too mte watching our Arry... thanks for your words too.. DUCATI was one of the few things ironically that kept me going, such was my desire to one day own a lush 916..

    I hate to say it but I think self harm is worse nowadays than back when I first started.. with cyber bullying etc it’s worrying for the kids of today.. I worry for them not myself, it’s art of the reason I came out as such..
    it’s teallu weird but I think if you ask anyone who really knows me, but I’ve spent a near lifetime doing my best for others, but when you yourself hit a snag and you find you don’t have the tools to sort it you rapidly spiral and that’s when you really need the help..
    trouble is you ask for MH help and your talking 3 months for an appointment!

    It can become a harrowing and lonely world quite quickly..

    In my case, my best therapists are you guys...
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  15. Doh.... I'm getting over there now...
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  16. My therapy has two initials ...
    MG - I love tinkering with my Guzzis in the garage.

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  17. Take care and all the best :upyeah:
  18. Well done Noods, keep getting better mate.
    I hope your confessions for want of a better word will help others who might be feeling and experiencing the same traumas as you.
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  19. @Noods Mate I'm new on here but I know the whole opening up thing for a different issue. Takes balls - and yet the quality people around you show their character as above. All the best on your journey
  20. Noods.This journey of yours wont be easy or quick.One day at a time,one day at a time.Just keep at it and,if you feel up to it,keep us up to speed.All the very best.