Round here, the weather is good, roads dry and it's passably warm. My bike's fully fuelled & ready to go (if slightly overdue a service) & I'm not in work for the first Saturday in ages. My mate has just texted me if I fancy a blast. Normally I'd be squeezing into my leathers & be off like a shot. I can't. the reason I'm not in work is because I spent yesterday morning in A&E after waking up in a pool of blood from my arse. Scared the crap out of me, appropriately enough. I rang NHS Direct & they told me to get to A&E, pronto. Doctors think I have a bust pile way up inside my arse, but aren't sure. I didn't even know I had piles until they started poking around & then a massive one popped out. They were talking about surgery there & then which scared even more crap out of me, if that were possible, but the bleeding slowed down enough for them to send me home & make an out patients appointment for a colonoscopy. I'm sure the consultant had a sadistic glint in his eye as he told me, in front of a bunch of junior doctors who had just enjoyed the edifying spectacle of him hooking a pile out of my anus & then attempting to ram it back in there, "We'll have to put a camera up to see what's going on up there. And it won't be one of the small ones either... and then we'll probably wrap some elastic bands around them" As it is, I'm now hobbling around like a constipated penguin & there is no way my arse could take Ducati suspension, even with what feels like a duvet in my skids. Yes, as a final indignity I have to put a heavy duty sanitary towel in my Bill Grundys. :frown: Hope I've not ruined your brekkie, but I'm feeling very, very sorry for myself & wanted to share my misery.
That sound absolutely awful. I bet you nearly shit yourself!!! Good luck with the rest of the "process". I'm not sure how you can be dignified when someone is shoving a camera up your sphincter. My uncle Brian had a colonoscopy recently, and said although the physical experience was something he could have done without, he was fascinated watching the live footage on a monitor!!!
You have my sympathy. Sounds grim. I wonder what my future moment of ignominy is going to be. There's bound to be one. You don't just grow old in dignity and one day pop your clogs. There's lots of evil stuff that happens first.
Shit!! ;-) Seriously Rob not nice piles are cruel things they love appearing through pregnancy too and they hurt ouch!!! Get them sorted then you can at least sit comfy on your ride. Blow up swimming ring is comfy to sit Awww bless ya here have some hugs
Thanks Viv. Like I said, I didn't even know I had them. Mrs Rob got them really bad with the youngest Little Monster & had to have a big op to have them removed. Thankfully she had BUPA with her job back then & got to go to a swish private hospital where you got wine with your al-a-carte meals if your medication allowed, which kind of sugared the pill a bit. Got aforesaid duvet in my pants & nice soft pillow so sit on. Poor doggie isn't getting going to get much walkies for the forseeable though, cos Mrs Rob fell over ouside school last week & possibly did her cruciate ligament (having a scan next week to confirm, once the swelling has gone down), although she was more embarrassed by being Ambulanced away in front of all the other mums. I have to say, the 998 family are getting their moneys worth from the NHS this month.
You do have my sympathy Rob.If it's any consolation or possibly reassurance I have had the colonoscopy treatment twice and apart from slight discomfort it's not that bad. Thought it was funny at my last one when the surgeon,with a big smile,asked me for a signature on the permission form so he could explore up my bottom.
Bloody Nora!!! Stay inside all of you Hope Mrs Rob gets well soon and you Rob. It's Christmas soon something to look forward too thank goodness for Amazon
Fuck!!! Stressed Hippo you've liked Rob's post WTF. You like Robs arse prob, goddamn, I wont be rooming with you bud.:tongue:
To be perfectly honest Viv, this year has been a sodding nightmare, one crap thing after another constantly since last Christmas. I'll be glad when New Year rolls around & this year is consigned to the bin.
If the general public ever wandered into this forum... their image of motorcyclists would take a hit. There they are, thinking that bikers are all mean, leathered-clad hell raisers in inscrutable smoked visors. The reality seems to be a fraternity that can't deal with the position on a sportsbike for more than 50 miles without their backs and arthritis playing up, or who can't buy a Mutley because they can't swing their leg over the high saddle. Most of the forum seem to be on medication, plenty have frequent trips to hospitals, and many others seem to lead sad lonely lives. This is surely not how it was ever meant to be in The Wild One or Easy Rider. If I was the Ducati marketing department, I'd be actively ringing up the headhunters.
So have I. Get plenty of sedation. If and when the bleeding is dealt with, you'll be much better off. And look on the bright side - at the same time as they deal with the haemorrhoids, you will get reassurance that it's not cancer.
We're a bunch of crocks, physically & mentally. As for Ducati marketing, £80 skinny fit t shirts, for, lets face it, a predominantly 30+ or even middle aged customer base. Utter nonsense.
The doctor gave me some suppositories but for all the good they did, I might as well have stuck them up my arse.
Culd have been worse mate; imagine if you'd have had grass and mud on your knees too?! Hoping its something simple and less dramatic than the exit-carnage suggests