Do any of you know any truly stupid people? A conversation at work yesterday evening got me thinking about this. A general conversation was taking place about the expected warmer weather coming our way this week, lighter nights, getting out on bikes etc. A voice from over my shoulder..."Why is the moon not getting bigger?" Us..."What?" Now, he began to crack under our Paxman like grilling, he slightly scrunched his face up, looked up a little whilst contemplating how to best iterate his point with lucidity. And then it came. The voice..."Well, the sun and the moon are the same planet. The sun in the day and the moon at night. If the sun's getting hotter, why isn't the moon getting bigger?" ..........
My Wifes cousin: from the valleys, thick as two short planks. The girlfriend even thicker. Prime candidates for Jeremy Kyle..... Whats radiation? Whose the prime minister? They hatched an offspring who is 3 and cant even talk...just grunts...
i had a friend up visiting a few years back, a fairly high graded psychiatric nurse from putny london. i took her out for a wee tour of the countryside where she asked how the water in the burns and rivers flow UP AND OVER the mountains...wtf?. another mate, v,intelligent, doing well in I.T. phoned me from glasgow, which is about 100mls away, saying his car has been making what sounded going by his description, to be a screwed wheel bearing, i suggested he get it checked locally, but he drove up anyhoos, after about 2 seconds of careful consideration i came to the conclusion the noise was due to a missing rear fugging window... again wtf? so, i guess the moral of the story is, you can be v,cleaver, but not have an ounce of common sense. just like...nah, leave it fin
Actually ive gotta say my wife tended to a plant and thought she was doing a good job until my daughter pointed out it was plastic...she looked after it for 6 months or so... Id just like to add that she is in fact very clever (just in case she ever reads this) - and i am, in fact very stupid (i get told that all the time)...
My uncle has his moments. First one was when he got caught out by an April fools in the paper a few years back. Police training hawks with speed camera on their backs. They hover above the roads and catch you speeding. Later in life, he couldn’t work out why one of his new hanging baskets was lower than the other. Here is how he’d mounted the brackets... Wouldn’t change him for the world though, he got me into bikes
We have a colleague who always get's well known sayings wrong, we keep a book of them Your putting the horse before the cart.. That's a school boy area... He's like a coiled greyhound... You make my heart sting... That's another knife in the coffin... I've got collett's... (after swearing) I've put my foot down with a firm hand... Some other wonders from him: That little bald guy with the black hair... The ones that we haven't got we haven't got at this moment in time... Any one know the names of that Chris Adams guy... He's not Brazilian, he's South American and play's for Brazil... When explaining the Stereo Lithography prototyping process to a customer: We do kind of a mold thing and pour some stuff in and it sort of goes off... He is entertaining
Series 1 just removed but these half dozen 6 still available:- https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b09twr53
I once knew a guy in Cleethorpes (friend of a friend) who was know as "Stupid Steve" and the title was richly deserved..................These are all true stories, I kid you not: 1. When asked by his mother to go and get 5lb of new potatoes from the local greengrocer it took him two hours. When his mum asked why he'd taken so long he'd apparently been though all the potatoes the greengrocer had and had graded them all so he could find the "newest" ones for her. 2. On a night out in Yarm many years ago we were all chatting some of the local totty up and we overheard him talking to a particularly attractive girl and his chat up line was "You look like a younger version of somebody older" (and it wasn't him coming out with a clever line....he meant it) 3. Once we were all talking about pets and he declared that when he got married he'd like a pet. In fact he wanted a Golden Retriever "but one of the black ones" 4. He also thought North was wherever you were facing. I wonder whatever happened to Stupid Steve?
Had a work colleague back in the day when I were young, he was called Ding Dong. We watched him one day shoveling spoil and debris. It was carried onto a conveyor and onto the tipper. The spoil heap was to his right, the hopper to his left. Instead of the obvious he shovelled it into a wheelbarrow in front and then wheeled it to the hopper and tipped it in. He carried on like this all day. Ding dong stood astride and slid a 40ft steel joist, which had one end up on concrete bunker, of of the bunker. He was then made painfully aware of Newtons 1st law when the other end between his legs shot up and lifted him about 6ft. He couldnt walk for days. Ding Dong also managed to pin his hand to a party wall we were battoning and sheeting up with a hilti nail gun. Whilst wearing jeans that were frayed to fuck at the hem, he set himself alight whilst cutting steel with the disc cutter, jumped into the river as we were doing Butlers Wharf on Thames and had to get rescued by Police/RNLI. Another colleage, called Fratelli. He worked for his old man and subbed to us now and again. He robbed his local post office whilst wearing his donkey jacket. With his fathers company name on the back. Fratelli and Sons. Same guy managed to reverse a Bobcat into the spoil hole in the building whilst arguing with his old man that he was perfectly able to use the thing, which was 5 floors up. He was in hospital for weeks.
Ding dong stood astride and slid a 40ft steel joist, which had one end up on concrete bunker, of of the bunker. He was then made painfully aware of Newtons 1st law when the other end between his legs shot up and lifted him about 6ft. He couldnt walk for days ding dong the shlong is dead.
Actually i will say that i had a stupid moment a few months back trying to reconnect the trolley in lidl to the one it was going into (y'know - with the pound coin)....i was trying to work it out (not that you have to) but thats the point here....anyway while i was trying the wife was over the other side of the car park (hanging out of the window) shouting at me "what the fuck are you trying to do...!!" which then put the pressure on even more...i got there in the end but this woman was staring at me (and then the wife) like id just gone round her house and shat in her kettle...
Labourer on a job, working on an external building mast climber about 6 stories up at the time; decides to try and burn silicone sealant from a silicone gun. Never know why. No matter. He used copious amounts of solvent. Then, set fire with his lighter. Slight problem here is that during the process he had managed to get solvent on his clothes! Apparently he went up like the WhickerMan, luckily some on the mast platform were not as stupid and smothered him with a spare dust sheet. They say he was just about to climb over the safety rail and jump to get away from the flames ...to 'safety' as they were only part way up (6th out of 21 floors) on the building. Only found out why he had minor burns on his hands several month after the incident. Same guy used to do a bit painting, more like touching in on newly fitted windows and doors. While on holiday he somehow wangled use of my little company work van. Well, it used to white, the inside came back multi coloured. How the f...? More paint stories. Same guy with Sprinter van. Drives like a lunatic, arrives at job, opens back doors, gets covered in a flood of green paint. The paint he was delivering to site, but had forgotten was in the back of the van during 'rally stage 2'. The mind boggles at the lack electrical impulses in the grey matter.
