When Doing A Good Deed Goes Wrong

I live in an apartment block that has security doors. On the ground floor there are two entrance/exit doors leading to an open stairwell and the lift next to it, just setting the mood.

There is an attractive lady in the block and whilst nothing has been said, when seen, smiles, nods and general signs of talking could be next on a friendly basis.

Last Thursday and Friday night, it became clear a tramp had been sleeping under the stairs on the ground floor where there is a gap. I heard on the grape vine that Friday night whilst the tramp was drunk, a resident challenged him and asked him to leave and would call the police if he was still there 30 minutes later.

Good to the expectation the resident went down to the ground floor stair area and sure enough the tramp had gone, I suspect though it was to hospital for stitches to his rectum as he left a parting gift, a shit the size of a baby seal.

Now, the blocks cleaners visit Thursday and Monday so no help there. It stank so bad the smell went all the way up the stairwell on all 7 floors, god knows what he was eating. After being there a few days and all the residents ignoring what it was not wanting to deal with it themselves, I decided to take matters into my own hands, so to speak.

Armed with dettol, marigolds, kitchen roll and black bags ,I approached the stairwell and the very second I picked up this massive log with my hands, the very attractive lady I had previously eye flirted with, came out of the lift to see me there, squatting down, picking up what can be best declared as the biggest poop known to man. I am pretty sure she thought that poop was mine and that is why I was picking it up

I saw said lady today and none of the usual grins, smiles and eye flirtations but sheer looks of disgust and distaste usually given by people that actually know me.

I think I might need to go back to plenty of fish

 

I did wonder if she had done it and if it was a test

I tried it once but I can assure you, the Donald trump book on how to chat up women has never worked for me