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The blonde secretary in our office came in looking very pleased the other day. She had taken her car to a garage because "The oil in the engine...
Q. How does a German counterfeiter like his whiskey? A. On Xerox..
I remember the power cuts of the 70s, and being sent by my parents to the off license where they had candles burning. I always thought candles...
The girls all call my mate 'The Terminator'. Not because he's muscular and tough, but he has an oozy nine millimetre...
Many people think that crop circles are created by alien spacecraft. But I think they are caused by cereal killers...
My mate says he is a professional counterfeiter. He has the documents to prove it.
A load of snooker equipment was fly tipped near our house recently. Picked most of it up myself. But I'll have to go back for the rest..
Went to Alton Towers but the Nemesis ride had a breakdown: Emotional roller coaster....
Is it possible for an evil spirit to be dyslexic? Asking for a fiend..
Just heard a man in Brixton has had his throat slashed with a Fleetwood Mac CD: Probably Rumours....
As they got into bed for the first time, my mate’s new girlfriend said: “Just so you know, I like a lot of foreplay.” My mate shoved her head...
Gravestones are a thing of the passed...
My mate just ate a philosophy book. Now he's really thoughtful...
My mate said he remembered the day when Stan Collymore hit a screamer. I told him I thought her name was Ulrika....
The wife looked out of the window & sighed, "When will this bloody rain stop falling?" "Easy." I said, "When it hits the ground." The bed in...
Knowing that I have owned & trained dogs for many years, a neighbour asked what he should do in the event of not being able to find his dog. I...
Just received this text from my mate: "If anyone has any old Toy Story characters they don't want, please give me a buzz."
As I drove past the local prison yesterday, I saw a midget climbing down a rope ladder on the outside of the wall: I thought, "Hello, that's a...
Ever tried blindfolded archery? You don't know what you're missing...
The wife said she wants treating on her birthday: I've bought 3 large tins of Cuprinol and 2 brushes, I hope I have enough...
