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Whilst having a drink in the pub garden with a few mates, I noticed a girl with a spectacular figure. When she turned round I saw how ugly she...
My mate said he got a new car for his mother-in-law. I wasn't aware a scrappage scheme had been introduced...
My mate is determined to make a success of his exotic fruit juice business kumquat may...
In their divorce settlement, Melinda Gates will be getting the house. But Bill is keeping the Windows...
I've been learning to guess the weight of dogs. Picked up a few pointers yesterday..
My general rule with having sex with overweight women is: If you have to lift things to get to other things, they're too fat.
My GP says I need an earring made. What a weird thing to say....
Robert De Niro is set to star in a Hollywood epic about the life of Wayne Rooney: It's called 'The old dear hunter'...
After my mate came back from a weekend in Amsterdam, I asked him if he went with a prostitute. He said, “Didn’t need to, they already have loads...
The wife asked, "Can you make an ornate Italian sink?" I replied, "Sure, I'll tie a brick to his Gucci swimming trunks."
A prostitute told me I could have sex with her for the reduced rate of £10 as she didn't have a womb. When I asked how we would do it she...
For sale: Brand new Trivial Pursuit game. No questions asked..
Henning has been a busy boy to fit all that in, along with his stand-up comedy & quiz show appearances hasn't he?
Q. What do you have when your mother-in-law is up to her neck in cement? A. Not enough cement...
Dogs don't do x-rays. But cats can...
Fender are to launch a new guitar commemorating all those musicians who have fallen off the stage whilst performing: The Plastercaster should be...
Our local farmer said that since marrying his gorgeous 18 year old bride he couldn't keep his hand off of her and this was causing him a major...
My mate reckons he has made a smart phone for dogs: It has collar ID...
There's a saying that ignorance is bliss. Yet so many women never stop moaning about how unhappy they are...
Colgate have launched a new sensitive toothpaste: It kills 99% of bacteria in your mouth, but it doesn't hurt their feelings..
