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"Your nan sucks cock." 4 words you'd rather she didn't whisper in your ear...
Everybody is jumping on the Veganuary bandwagon. There's even a new sex video site: QuornHub.
My next door neighbour had 2 tickets for a Take That concert on the front seat of his car. Someone smashed the door window and left another 4...
My mate David had his ID stolen: I now call him Dav.
My mate has been given a vacuum cleaner by his mum: It used to belong to his granny and has been in storage for over 5 years, but the old bag is...
My new Fleetwood Mac Sat Nav is a complete waste of money, all it keeps saying is: ‘You can go your own way'.
Surgical treatments vary depending on the type of vision defect you are wanting to correct, age of patient etc. Lots of information available &...
All of his future engagements have been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances....
I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted, "What have you got there?" "Hummus." I replied..
Ten years ago I swore I would give up drinking whilst at work. I haven’t touched a job since..
We were driving down the M1 when I said, "I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales.” "Why do you think that?" She said. I...
The wife started the new year with a touching tribute to David Bowie: She made a huge tin of Heroes last for just one day...
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon: I'll let you know....
[ATTACH] HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
My mate questioned the eating habits of his family, who are all vegans: Nobody expects the Spinach Inquisition!
My mate calls his cock 'Sean Connery': It's not been in anything for years...
My mate played Charades with his family on Christmas Day. He said it was great, until his wife and mother-in-law did theirs. He shouted, "Two Fat...
Easy solution: Buy her a self-propelled lawnmower for Christmas to make cutting the lawn easier, and also give her a pressure cooker so she can...
Scientists have discovered the exact penis size required to keep a woman satisfied: Just one inch more.
Our mower is voice activated: The wife tells me when to get off my arse and cut the lawns...
