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NEWS UPDATE: Charlotte Church faces probe. Should be worth a watch on Pornhub...
I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier and barks a lot. If you're interested let me know, and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it...
My mate says his wife should be a weather girl: She has a depressing front..
Liam and Noel Gallagher’s mum can’t understand why her tits keep falling out...
Paddy was doing a crossword puzzle when he turned to Murphy & asked, "How do you spell paint?" Murphy replied, "What colour?"
My mate’s son thought it would a good idea to eat sand and mud in the garden, he will be shitting bricks later.
Reports have emerged of a man found dead in his kitchen wearing a corset, stockings, suspenders, and with a cable around his neck from what looked...
Find a penny, Pick it up, And all day long You'll have good luck.* *Advice not valid in prison showers
My show-off mate says he’s had a mobile phone implanted in his throat. When his wife finds out, she’ll ring his neck.
Two dogs were watching a Youtube video. One Dog said, “I need to go out in the garden.” The other one replied, “Ok, I will press paws...”
My mate said his wife is a ray of sunshine in the kitchen: She burns everything...
Boris Johnson bought Jacob Rees-Mogg’s son a box of tampons for his 4th birthday. When the bemused kid had unwrapped his present, Johnson said:...
Had oasis soup for lunch: It’s like normal soup, but you got a roll with it..
The houses round here keep getting burgled and have all their crisps, biscuits, sweets, and cakes nicked. Police say it's the local snack heads.
I can hear the lesbian couple next door to me having sex every night. It's not easy, but if I turn the TV off and unplug the fridge, I can just...
A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Unfortunately, none of his cattle...
News update: A man was injured today after a collision between a cyclist and a combine harvester. Police say a man has been bailed..
My mate said when he woke this morning, there was a Thai lady with a large penis sitting on his knee. He swears he’ll never again visit a tattoo...
SCOUSERS: Make sure you petition the government about its plans to raise the retirement age. It is very unfair of them to expect you to try...
I texted my boss and said, "I'm on the train heading for the south coast now." “What the hell is this about?” He replied, “You knew full well to...
