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Q. Who can shave 10 times a day, and still have a beard? A. A barber.
A new cabinet minister decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his...
I always try to borrow money from a pessimist: He won't expect it back...
To save money, my mate waits until the low overnight electricity rate clicks on to cut his grass. I asked him, "Isn't it difficult mowing in the...
My mate got drunk in an Italian restaurant last night & tied all his spaghetti together. He ended up skipping dinner..
The wife got fingered in the pub last night.... The 37 points she scored won the weekly Scrabble game for her.
My mate said he sent his hearing aids for repair 3 weeks ago. He says he's heard nothing since..
A mate of mine believes that the Earth is flat. I challenged him to prove it by walking off the edge... He eventually came around.
I met with my bank manager and asked, "How do I start a small business?" He replied, "Start a large one and wait six months."
For a nice cooling effect during this hot weather, try taking your clothes off & standing in front of the fridge whilst holding the door open. A...
My mate has invented a nerve gas that stays close to the ground & never rises above 4ft. It's for use in chemical dwarfare..
My mate in the US said he was the envy of his friends, bragging about shagging the teacher and fingering the best looking girl in the class. He...
My mate wanted to try bell ringing, so he became a Jehovah’s Witness.
Q. How can you spot the illegitimate Jelly Babies in a packet? A. Tip the opened packet upside down & all the bastards fall out.
My dentist told me he has been voted 'dentist of the year'. He said he was also presented with a little plaque.
“Swear on our children’s lives you haven’t been kissing anyone.” She said when I got home shit-faced last night.. I said, “I swear on our...
Now there's a well nourished gentleman. More chins than a Chinese phone book.
Q. What do Disney World and Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a 2 minute ride.
Apparently the new 007 will be a woman: That means she'll be able to kill someone & then clean up the mess afterwards..
An actor at the local theatre fell through the floor boards. Apparently it was just a stage he was going through..
