Separate names with a comma.
The wife asked which I love most, her or football? So I said, "Open your legs and I will show you." Then I nutmegged her....
Not saying Scotland are doing badly, but FIFA have now ranked them lower than Narnia and that island Tom Hanks was stranded on in 'Castaway'.
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and they can swim faster than humans in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a...
You know you’re getting old when you can cough further than you can cum.
+1
Just seen the headline: 'Two found dead on East London rail track." Are they sure they're not just sleepers??
My wife told me she's started to have hot flushes. Think I’ve buggered up the plumbing on the toilet cistern...
Fonts Arial and Times New Roman walked into a bar: "Get out!" Shouted the barman. "We don't serve your type in here."
I know a mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers: He'll stop at nothing to avoid them..
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old nephew. “Someone who will wear something just to look different.” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes...
Not fair: Our local pub refuses to serve me when I am drunk. Yet the local Burger King just keeps on serving the fecking fat chavs..
My mate never makes jokes about his fat wife. He says she always has more than enough on her plate...
Paddy was arrested for breaking into a greenhouse. When the police asked why he did it, he said: "I only wanted to see what was inside."
We bought Grandad a Lego set to help him with his memory. We spread the bricks at the side of his bed to remind the old sod to put his slippers...
My mate bought a book with the title: 'Famous cowards in history'. He took it back to the shop & complained when all the pages fell out. The...
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in...
I'm not saying the staff at B&Q are stupid, but I asked one guy a simple question and he was straight on the tannoy. "Can a Matt White come to the...
Q. Which woman is best at keeping secrets? A. Chantelle.
We seem to have sorted his reading issues, but his typing is still rather slow.... [ATTACH]
My mate said his wife is giving her mother a dozen roses for Mother's Day. Fat cow is keeping the rest of the tin for herself....