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My mate has been banned from his local church: Apparently the box marked ‘FOR THE SICK’ refers to monetary contributions...
Researchers have revealed that a single sperm has 37.5 megabytes of information in its DNA. An ejaculation represents a data transfer of...
My mate says his wife's bum is so big it has its own postcode: MA55 1VE
The chaps at work reckon the boss’s family tree is a cactus: Everyone on it is a prick.
My mate just bought a 2nd hand DeLorean. He says he only plans to use it from time to time..
My family treat me as if I am a god: They ignore my existence until they need something.
Two Ryanair passenger planes almost collided in mid-air when they flew over Spain. Pilots took evasive action once the near-miss surcharge had...
Lol. Wouldn't have been able to even switch on a computer in the very unlikely event I had managed to consume 6 glasses of whiskey.
Birthday - yesterday!
My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't a clue what I did to cause it. Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again...
Q. What's the difference between Halloween & Christmas? A. Buggered if the supermarkets seem to know either...
Apparently. I blame the excellent single malt I received for my 60th....
Just bought some Doritos swimming trunks. Going for a dip later...
I've just bought some Doritos swimming trunks. I'm going for a dip later..
Q. What do you call a man with 6 rabbits up his bottom? A. Warren.
My gran described her local MP as Elmo. You mean an Emo don't Gran?" I said. " You know, lank black hair, pale skin, black clothes, goth taste...
Our office at work put together a 'Top 10 reasons why Trick or Treating is better than Sex': 10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little...
When my mate found a milkman's hat in the bedroom closet, he knew his wife had been cheating on him. So he decided to write a book about it:...
If I could be a superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.
My mate didn't have enough cash to get into a brothel last night. So he had to use the hole in the wall.
