Separate names with a comma.
I remember getting battered by my dad on Halloween when I was a kid. He told me I could carve pumpkins on the kitchen table. So I did as he said....
Q. Why is sex like maths? A. You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray there’s no multiplying.
A man who was going on a cruise consulted his GP because he was worried about sea sickness. The doctor said, "Eat 2lbs of stewed tomatoes, 2lbs...
Newsflash: Costa Coffee bought for £3.9 billion, It must have been one of those extra large lattes with the caramel topping.
We lost all the vowels from our scrabble set. So I've just sold it on eBay as a Welsh language edition.
I can read my missus like a newspaper: There's a new issue every fecking day...
An old man in hospital was visited by his wife. He whispered to her, "Before I go, would you finish me off with dignity?" The old lady pulled...
I phoned the local Weight Watchers and asked them to send someone round. "No problem." Said the guy on the other end of the phone. "We've got...
My mate said his mother in law will be dressing up and celebrating as usual this Halloween. She'll be leaving her knickers off this year, so she...
My mate has started making coffins out of glass & he wonders if they will sell. Remains to be seen...
The wife burned our Hawaiian pizza last night. Should have used aloha setting..
Fred McPhail has a reputable company called McPhail's nails. Business is poor so he decides to have a news paper advertisement designed,...
Not saying my mate's wife is a big woman, but he reckons her bath water has its own shipping forecast.
My dyslexic mate said he was told he would never be any good at poetry. But he's sent me a text to say that today he's made 2 jugs and a vase.
My mate just sent me a text after spending the evening in the pub: "Did you know that the flame of a candle smells like burning nasal hair??"
My mate has been kicked out of The Magic Circle. He’s very disillusioned...
The wife has downloaded this new app. She says it's great: It tells you what to wear, what to eat and even tells you if you’ve put on weight. Its...
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong
Went to the theatre the other night to watch a production called 'The Dictionary'. It was a play on words.
I made the wife a Caesar salad. The dog wasn’t happy, it was his last tin.
