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The naughty kid next door says he doesn't believe in Santa. He's a rebel without a Claus.
Q. What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a middle aged man? A. A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls and...
What a morning…… 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t made a snow woman. 8:15 I made a snow woman. 8:17 The...
I applied for a job in the Citroen factory today. I had to send in 2 CVs.
Q. Why does Mrs Claus keep trying to find Santa's mobile phone? A. He seems to know where all the naughty girls live.
The lads down the pub all call my mate 'Sage'. Not because he's old & wise. He just likes stuffing birds.
Rode my bicycle to the off licence last night & bought a nice bottle of single malt. I started off for home with the bottle under my arm, but I...
The wife said I can be a right bastard sometimes. So I told her I'd choose Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Archaeologists claim to have found evidence of a gay dinosaur: The Gotasaurarse. They also think they may have proved the existence of a lesbian...
One of our daughters was conceived in an Ikea bed. Apparently we are still not welcome back in that store...
Smirnoff Vodka have launched their Oscar Pistorius advent calendar: There's a shot behind every door.
I bought an Ikea advent calendar, it's a load of rubbish. I had to fit the doors on myself.
I've been invited to the RNLI Christmas party. I bet they know how to push the boat out.
Q. Which famous composer also had a brief career as a footballer? A. Vivaldi - he played four seasons.
The wife said she would like some chocolate and a surprise for Christmas. One Kinder Egg later - all sorted!
Scientists in a laboratory have created new vocal chords from stem cells. The results speak for themselves.
Such an easy mistake to make.... [ATTACH]
Just bought a new satellite navigation system with a Wild West theme: Tried it out for the first time today in South London. It gave me a route...
My mate bought a wig made from arse hair. Unfortunately it keeps blowing off.
No, it's just a standard Optimate lead.