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The wife keeps saying she wants something silky for her birthday. Lucky for me, Dulux currently have a great deal on their magnolia emulsion..
Pardon?
The boss put up a big notice in the staff room at work, it had the title: 'Forthcoming Events'. I thought, "That's a sign of things to come."
How could Noah be sure that he only had 2 chameleons on the ark?
My mate got his knob stuck in the toaster. He was turned on by a bit of crumpet.
I went to a pretenders concert last night. It was a tribute act.
My mate says his sister thinks that the bigger a man's feet, then the larger his cock is. Apparently she doesn't half bring some clowns home.
I once dated a magazine collector. She had quite a few issues.
Propaganda: What a cockney says when he wants a closer look.
My mate told me he really suffers from insomnia. But looking on the bright side, he says it's only 3 sleeps until Christmas.
I switched to Marchesini 5-spoke wheels. Used a Monster axle & discs from a 749R. Retained the original GT1000 calipers. Don't know if 749R...
We were going out last night and the missus was in the bathroom for fecking hours. Finally, she flung the door open, stood there and said, "Be...
A teacher from Glasgow asked her pupils if they know any collective nouns for groups of animals. "Please, Miss," says Jenny, "A flock of sheep."...
A friend spent some time working in the comms room for paramedics in Glasgow when a pregnant young lady rang to say her waters had broken. "Where...
I have a French stepdad: He's my faux pa.
'Never believe everything you read on the internet' Abraham Lincoln, 1863
My wife decided that we should try role play to spice up our sex life, she bought herself a Nurse's uniform and bought me a white coat and...
My mate says his marriage is like a deck of cards: It started with 2 hearts and a diamond, and now he wishes he had a fecking club and a spade.
Got drunk last night & swallowed a load of scrabble letters. My next dump could spell disaster.
My satellite navigation system has Bonnie Tyler as the celebrity voice. Trouble is it keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it...
