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I've just renamed my wifi network: 'Police Surveillance Van #02' That should keep our pikey neighbours on their toes for a while.
Saw a guy selling toothbrushes at a car boot sale. I asked him how much they were. He said: "£10 each mate." I replied: "That's ridiculous,...
Q. What's black, 4 inches wide and makes my wife moan? A. The toast I just made for her.
Made me laugh. Monmouthshire (where I was born) came out best, but just 1% better than where I now live in Nottinghamshire.
My mate took the advice he heard on the radio this morning & viewed the eclipse through a colander. He strained his eyes.
Q. What can be found in Asia and has four arseholes? A. One Direction's world tour.
The mother in law is bi-polar. She's so fat she has a North and a South Pole.
According to Bear Grylls you can drink your own urine in an emergency. Fortunately our wi-fi came back on just as I filled the bottle.
A report claiming an antioxidant in red grapes (used to make red wine) and peanuts may help prevent age-related decline in memory. I'd drink to...
Apparently anal sex is illegal in Iceland. Not sure about Waitrose, Aldi or Tesco. Best to ask first.
'Swapcock'? Wonder if he got a part exchange allowance on the damaged organ?
A team of surgeons from Stellenbosch University in South Africa has completed the first successful penile transplant in the world, with the...
My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it's simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before.
Bugrit. RIP.
People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. Last year they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys.
I helped out at the weekend in my mate's newsagent's shop. A bloke came in & asked, "Do you keep stationery?" I replied, "No, I move my arms...
Clever. How long now before someone launches a heated visor to prevent misting in winter? MCN also have an article on the LCD visor from AGV:...
I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London underground. We went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour.
Just read a report stating that the average person has sex at least 3 times a week. They must have a really well paid job. I can only afford it...
The official fan club held a Hot Chocolate-themed lunch yesterday. It started with a quiche....
