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Sent the wife a text on my way back from London. Might have been better if I’d said, “I’m on the train.” Rather than, “I’m riding on a Virgin.”
“Candidates in the Tory leadership contest can admit to as much drug taking as they like.” Said the party chairman. “Just as long as nobody says...
“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” The doctor asked his patient. “Yes, just like you said Doc.” “And is the bronchitis...
If he throws his hat into the leadership competition ring... He’ll miss.
My mate said his wife told him she would like a facial for her birthday, and that made him laugh out loud with joy. When I asked why, he said:...
My wife thinks I'm a cheapskate, but I thought the kids all enjoyed their trip to see the animals at Pets at Home.
Dear God, no! That will cost me a feckin' fortune....
Meanwhile the authorities will continue to ignore scrotes riding stolen moto crossers on parks & public footpaths. Their riding is dangerous in...
I see women going into fruit and veg shops all the time. But I never see a mango...
Saw Charlie Dimmock on TV, not looking so hot these days. I think she may have gone to seed..
My mate said his wife was in court last week. She walked over and started giving the defence counsel a lap dance. She ended up being charged for...
Bill and Bob are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bill says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the...
My mate said you can’t pee when you have an erection, but you can empty your bowels. As he found out when his girlfriend’s husband burst in on...
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous...
The wife and I were out for our anniversary dinner. The waiter came up and asked me, "Sir, how did you find the pork belly?" I replied, “We...
[IMG]
The wife tried cooking corned beef fritters for dinner last night. But she ended up making a hash of it..
Last night a bloke in the pub sold me a baby Stegosaurus for £500. I must have been pissed, 'cos when I woke up this morning it turned out to be...
Q. How can you tell when a bad singer is at the door? A. He can't find the key, and when he has it he doesn't know when to come in..
I went to the shop to pick up 8 cans of Sprite. But when I got home I realised I only picked 7up..
