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A vicar is having a wank in the bathroom. As he’s finishing himself off, he turns around to see the window cleaner staring at him. Red faced,...
A mate who moved to work in America said his new blonde secretary thought a quarterback was a refund.
My mate said he received an e-mail advertising guaranteed penis enlargement for £1.99. He clicked the link, entered his details and the bastards...
Q. Who was the smelliest gladiator? A. Fartacus.
My mate has started working as a spiritual guidance leader with the local church. To coincide with this he has changed his surname to 'Parcel'....
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, swimming with sharks could cost you an arm and a leg..
In the news recently: A London man bought a kettle from Argos in Kensington High Road. On unwrapping it in his kitchen he found a live snake...
My mate reckons he has invented an ejaculating clock. Should be interesting when the time comes...
Silence is golden. Unless you have small children, then silence becomes very suspicious...
Elvis Costello has just launched a new range of Mediterranean sausages, and they're delicious: Olive Salami is here to stay.....
Saw a newspaper headline: 'Man dies in second fatal fall at Canary Wharf in 24 hours'. Surprised he wasn't killed the first time...
My mate has just taken up origami. When I asked him why, he said the reason was twofold..
I went to a wife swapping party last night. Came home with a new lawn mower...
I still don't like the new £1 coin. But then I've never been a fan of change.
Ordered a pizza last night, but they rang back to cancel the order. Apparently they couldn't get their ferry down our road..
Not that I’m getting old, but the noises I used to make during sex - I now make getting out of bed..
My mate says he wishes he could be as funny as Michael McIntyre thinks he is.
I caught my mate shagging a Massey Ferguson up the exhaust pipe on the local farm. When I asked him what he was doing he said it was my fault as...
Q. How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights? A. Two calves, one fat ass, one beaver, a shed load of hares, one camel toe and a fish...
My mate said his wife is complaining that she gets blisters on her hands from the broom. I suggested he should buy her a bicycle or let her use...
