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In a drive to improve standards in service and hygiene, a West End hotel today dismissed a waiter for having his thumb in the soup. They also...
A lorry full of onions has shed its load on the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.
The wife disturbed a couple of burglars during the night. She waddled downstairs with no clothes on....
Germany's performance in the World Cup has been their worst since the 1938 World Cup. We know how well they took that.....
Just took advantage of a special offer from 'Pig Breeders Monthly' magazine. Took out a 2 year subscription and they said they will send me a...
Just had my lawns re-laid with emo grass: It's brilliant, it cuts itself..
One of my mates ran the fish & chip shop at a naturist campsite. After 30 years of standing naked next to the deep fat fryer, he had frittered it...
The wife bought a cat suit today. The cat looks a right twat in it..
Helps if you have the right staff: A 'gentleman's gentleman' to clean the bike after every ride, and teach the wife to pour the beer properly &...
Q. What is an Australian kiss? A. Same as a French kiss, only down under..
My mate was thrown out of an Apple store for farting. He said it wasn't his fault they didn't have any Windows..
Scientists have crossed a Morse Code transmitter with a senna pod. The got a dot dot dot with a very long dash.
Persil have launched a washing powder so strong it can remove Staines from Middlesex.
I used to have lots of arguments and rants with my bank manager. Since then I have managed to consolidate all my rants into one simple monthly...
My mate went to see his GP because he can't stop shagging ugly old women. The doctor said it was the worst case of crone's disease he's ever seen.
My mate says he married a real trophy wife: All the names of the previous winners are tattooed on her arse.
Two dinosaurs holding hands on a beach, watching a ship sail away into the sunset. One dinosaur turns to the other and says, "That Noah's a real...
My mate says his wife must be brilliant at reversing. Whenever he thinks they have agreement to do something he likes, he finds she can back out...
I like to consider myself a Renaissance Man. But the wife says I'm just in my middle ages.
There's a mime artist in our local town centre. I always make sure to throw some invisible money into his bucket.
