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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what...
The wife told me she wants to go on top tonight. Wish we'd never bought that bunk bed.
The wife was boasting that women are better at multi-tasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. She couldn't do either...
Young motorcyclists pick a destination and then go. Retired motorcyclists pick a direction and then go.
I received a Valentine's card from Moonpig. Although she hates it when I call her that.
To all the beautiful peeps out there: Happy Valentine's Day. To the rest of us fatties: Chin up, it's Pancake Day next week.
I used to have a Dutch girlfriend who often wore inflatable shoes.. Until she popped her clogs.
The wife's been hinting she wants something black & lacy for Valentine's Day. Just bought her a lovely pair of football boots.
A young man who has just joined us at work asked if we had any tips for dating girls. I said, "Never have sex with any girl who can spell...
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a...
Bloody Autocorrect: Been searching for 'Busty Babes', and I keep getting photos of Manchester United players from the 1960s...
Donald Trump has been declared bankrupt four times. He's still having trouble with checks and balances.
I went to the sign writers and ordered a 6 foot A, a six foot S and a six foot K. He said " I'll see what I can do but it's a big ask"
The lesbian couple next door bought me a Timex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
My mate has dumped his cross-eyed girlfriend. He thought she was seeing someone else.
A Blonde goes over to her friend's house Wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt. "Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?" "Oh...
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll...
The mother in law was taken to hospital after a bee landed on her face. She wasn't stung, I was really quick with the spade.
"Can you read that car's number plate from here?" My instructor asked this morning. "Easily." I replied. "Then pull the cord & open the...
Got home from work last night & the wife had a sumptuous dinner ready. She had cleaned the house from top to bottom, mowed the lawn & weeded all...
