Separate names with a comma.
Just announced to the family: "Hey kids, Granny's going to Dignitas. Shhh, don't tell her - it's a surprise!"
Apparently Parliament is to be recalled this week to approve air strikes. Seems rather harsh, just because 44% of Scots voted Yes.
Paddy entered a wanking competition. He didn't come anywhere.
A man went into a pharmacy, reached into his pocket and took out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon. He poured from the bottle onto the...
ENTRANCE EXAM FOR MEDICAL SCHOOL, QUESTION: "Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when...
The wife stopped to ask directions when we she was driving us in the car yesterday. "What's the quickest way into town?" She asked the...
Pulled a fat, ugly bird last night. Whilst staggering drunk back to her place I asked her, "Have you got a light?" She replied, "Yes." I...
Here's two. :upyeah: [ATTACH] [ATTACH]
My dyslexic mate bought a sex manual. His girlfriend dumped him after she got bored lying in bed while he searched for her vinegar.
The mother in law complained to me, "I think you're fatist!" I replied, "No, you're definitely fattest."
News Update: David Cameron has promised there will be no British boots on the ground in Iraq or Syria. In other news, the British Army is to...
Q. What do Manchester United & Richard III have in common? A. Both were buried in Leicester.
It's the wife's birthday soon. When I asked what she wanted for a present she said, "Any Apple product should do." Just bought 2 tins of...
Q. How many mother in laws go out for a pint of milk and never return? A. Not enough...
My mate is off to work in Saudi for 3 months. He told me he's bought an Optimate for his motorbike & a vibrator for his wife. He says he might...
I went into the Chemist shop & asked, "Could I have a bar of soap please?" The Chemist replied, "Do you want it scented?" So I said, "No...
I finally have the body I always wanted. It's easy really, you just have to want a shit body.
The wife says I don't care what's on TV, I only care what else is on TV.
One of my mates is a transexual. All he wants to do is to eat, drink and be Mary.
Oliver Hardy: "Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle?" Stan Laurel: "Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?" Oliver: "Now we're getting somewhere....
