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My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from insanity. I replied, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
That will be the low-down on your cleaning regime! ;)
Q. How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a light bulb? A. One, but thousands of them will know how to do it better & will blame...
40 years ago Rupert Murdoch said, "Topless women sell newspapers." Dunno where he lives, but it's always been a fat, smelly old bloke in the...
The bike is a Honda VFR1200, the current mount of the Met's riders performing these duties. Hope the biker & driver are both ok.
The Loch Ness Monster has this morning announced plans to relocate to Lake Windermere in the event of a Yes vote, "To avoid uncertainty.".
Found on the iPod (whatever that is) of an old fart: 'You’re So Varicose Vein' by Carly Simon 'How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?' by the BeeGees 'I...
You know you are getting old, when your bedtime is 3 hours after you fall asleep on the sofa.
I used to call my grandad 'Spider Man' - because he struggled to get out of the bath.
An Irishman is walking on the beach when he finds a brass oil lamp and a genie pops out and offers him three wishes. The Irishman says: “I’ve no...
Q. What has 20 faces & 3 teeth? A. One of Jeremy Kyle's programmes.
Two little ducks, 11. For some reason I didn't last very long as a bingo caller
Who ate all the Pi??
News reports claim a light plane has hit the big wheel at a fairground. Apparently the pilot is slowly coming round.
68. "You do me & I'll owe you one." :Happy:
Bumped into Lenny Henry at the weekend. He says he's much happier now he no longer has to wake up at the crack of Dawn each day.
Q. What's 20 feet long & stinks of piss? A. The Post Office queue on pension day.
My mate just showed me a photo he's found of him sucking his mum's tit. Must have been a crazy wake they held for her last night....
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off
The wife asked, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" I said, "Because I don't want to wake you."
