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As it's our wedding anniversary the wife had arranged a suprise trip for me. Turned out to be a visit to the church where we married, to renew...
Newsflash: Woman attacked by swarm of bees. They robbed her of her Nectar card.
My mate sent a text to his new mother in law: "Your product (daughter) is not cooking food properly." His mother in law replied by text:...
My new blonde secretary is disappointed. I've just explained to her that Poland is not a Tellytubby-themed amusement park.
Surfing seems to be a lot like my sex life. She lays down, I struggle to get on top, I struggle to stay up, I'm a long way from where she wants...
The President of France has committed to use the full technology & power of the French military to locate the plane that has gone missing in Mali....
How stupid are sardines? They lock themselves in tins & then leave the key on the outside.
Jimmy Saville was a lying sod. He spent all those years advertising British Rail, when all the time he was riding virgins.
Took the mother in law to Starbucks & she asked for a coffee with no cream. The girl on the counter said, "We're out of cream anyway." So the...
Change is inevitable. Except from bloody car park ticket machines.
My mate says there is no difference between arse to mouth and mouth to mouth. Which is probably why he was thrown off the CPR course...
My mate has been too scared to go near his fridge - until I explained the difference between Hamas & Hummus.
Not saying the mother in law is fat..... But the longest diet she's ever been on was the 15-minute walk to the chippy.
Steve Gerrard has announced his retirement from international football - with effect from just before the World Cup.
Know what you mean about age clouding the grey matter! :) I checked with a Ducati service centre before changing the fork springs, as I'd heard...
The OEM fork springs in my bike were replaced with progressive srpings from Hyperpro. The progressive springs give better bump absorption over...
I always try to borrow money from a pessimist. They rarely expect to get it back.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
I was horribly embarrassed when I managed to pee on my finger this morning. I had to get out of the lift to wash my hands.
The National Crime Agency reports 660 suspected paedophiles have been arrested today. Coincidentally, the dining room at the House of Parliament...
