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My mate yelled frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"...
My mate organised a threesome last night. Apparently there were a couple of no shows, but he still had fun...
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
I was in our local Tesco last night, and I saw a man & a woman wrapped in a barcode. I think they were an item...
After struggling with schizophrenia & 3 failed attempts at suicide... My dyslexic mate finally passed his spelling test.
A dog walker has been found dead in our local park. Police have found the dog, but as yet they have no lead.
If laughter really is the best medicine, why are there no chemists selling nitrous oxide?
My mate has just got a job with an Arab dairy farmer. Or Milk Sheikh, as he prefers to be known....
Definition of 'fundamentalist': Sponsor a nutter.
Quote - Dorothy Parker (1893-1967): "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
California is alleged to have the highest rates of adultery & depression. That's a sad state of affairs..
Our local school has become an academy. It's sponsored by IKEA. Standards may be fine, but assembly takes ages.
It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
Stalking is when two people go for a long, romantic walk together - but only one of them knows....
My Grandad died after completing his first marathon. At least he had a good run..
Steven Gerrard has revealed that the England World Cup squad has been practicing for penalty shoot outs. Apparently they've been walking around,...
My mate says if the makers of Gameover Zeus think they can take over his computer, empty his bank balance & make his life miserable, then they are...
Research has proven that men think about sex every tits seconds.
Q. What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? A. "Are you done?" Q. What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? A....
The king of Spain has abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust..
