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News Update: Man who looks like a woman with a beard wins Eurovision. Didn't even know Susan Boyle had entered....
Q. What's the difference between the Special Olympics & Eurovision? A. Not much if you close your eyes.
A man walked into a bar and took a seat. Before he could order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him said, "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."...
Q. Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? A. Because his wife left him....
Q. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? A. Because it's a little meteor...
Q. What do you call a man with no arms & no legs who gets into a fight with his cat? A. Claude
Q. How do you catch a squirrel? A. Climb up a tree & act like a nut.
Bought a new sweater today, but I'm taking it back for a refund. The label says, 'One size fits all.' But I could only squeeze myself & just 3...
I thought the wife was going to mend my jeans today. Or at least sew its seams.....
Mirrors: Skyping for schizophrenics...
My mate likes looking at himself in the mirror whilst masturbating. The passengers on his bus aren't so keen though.....
The wife can see 6 years into the future. She has 2020 vision.
Just spilled stain remover on my trousers. How am I going to get that out?
RIP. Delivered some classic lines in 'The Long Good Friday': "You don't crucify people! Not on Good Friday!" Pool Attendant: "They kept it...
Q. WHat's the difference between a slut & a bitch? A. A slut will have sex with anyone, whereas a bitch will have sex with anyone but you...
Q. What is a man's idea of foreplay? A. Half an hour of begging.
I was so ugly as a child that the local paedophile used to eat his own sweets.
My wife looks no different now than she did on our wedding day, almost 30 years ago. Mouth full of fecking cake......
Q. Why do sperm banks pay more than blood banks? A. Sperm banks stock a product that is hand made...
Just remembered: A great time at Donington watching a young Wayne Gardner wrestle a Moriwaki Kawasaki around. Brilliant riding, and very...
