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I was sick of working in a fast food restaurant, with my life going nowhere. So I went to university to do a philosophy degree. Now I can ask...
I went to the chemist today and said, "I've got a really bad headache. Can you make me something up?" He said, "Frank Sinatra was in here earlier."
Perhaps Marco gave her one?
I went to a fancy dress party last week, dressed as a loaf of bread. The birds were all over me.
My mate asked me a question: "I was at a party at the weekend and some guy called my wife a lying slut. What can I do about it?" "Not much...
This lass should know her way around the pits:
According to Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to." I didn't know British Gas employed so...
My wife & I plan to recreate every position from the Kama Sutra tonight using only Lego bricks. The excitement is building.
But did you have a window of opportunity? Glad your experience didn't end up causing you pane......
G4S are like a paedophile uncle you don't suspect. You think you're in safe hands but you end up being taken for a ride and shafted.
Q. What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? A. Roberto.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Paralympian? A. Juan Leg
The Mexican Beatles tribute band "The Beetles" have split. Juan Lennon cited irreconcilable differences with Gringo Starr.
In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are easier to train 4....
Sex is difficult for Simon Cowell. His cock can only go in One Direction.
Have you ever been in the middle of a wank, the phone rings, you answer it & then you keep on going? That's how I lost my job at the call centre.
Q. What do you call a pianist with no arms? A. Clever Dick
Boobs are like naps: Meant for babies, but grown men love them.
Just had an e-mail forwarded to me entitled, '50 things to do before you die'. Not one mention of 'Shout for help'.
Ikea have just introduced a new range. Suppository furniture: You put it up yourself.
