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Since having the roses tattooed on her bum, Cheryl Cole's become constipated. Her doctor suggested a prune.
My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
Q. What's red, hoots & sits in a tree? A. A sanitary owl.
Q. What's worse than having a girl guide in your pocket? A. A brownie in your underpants.
Another chat up line: "Just call me Fred Flintstone. I'll make your bed rock!"
Jose Mourinho: "I'll walk if Chelsea don't win trophies." Stephen Hawking: "I'll walk if Arsenal win trophies."
The bloke who did Cheryl Coles new tattoo has fulfilled most men's fantasy. By ruining her arse.
There's a Vulcan B.2 at Newark Air Museum. Last time I was there (quite a few years ago) visitors were allowed to climb inside: Newark Air...
I just Googled: 'Missing medieval servant'. It came up as 'Page not found'....
A bunch of Germans had been on the beer and wanted to take a pee in the middle of London. They asked a policeman, "Where's the nearest place we...
My computer froze on me today and I kept getting images of dancing New Zealand rugby players flashing on to the screen. I think I've been...
My wife asked me to take out the bin this morning... So I sprinted over and rugby tackled it.
Newsflash: Lufthansa have confirmed that several passengers were seriously injured when a sausage exploded inside the baggage of a passenger on a...
Newsflash: Police have apprehended the man who robbed the music shop earlier today. He was caught with the lute.
Q. If you take nine pigs, four cows and three dogs, what do you have? A. A hen party in Essex.
A mystery lottery winner has come forward with an offer to buy Glasgow Rangers Football Club. He got 3 numbers.
BBC news headline: Old people from Greece forced to search bins for food. I don't know how John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John can sleep at night.
Q. What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum? A. Warren.
I've lost over half a stone on the Adam Ant diet. It's really easy...dont chew ever, dont chew ever.
For sale: 6 rubber eggs. Great price, can't be beaten.
