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Owls don't make love in the rain. Apparently it's too wet to woo...
Q. What do you call a one-legged Japanese woman? A. Irene.
That Dyson Airblade is the messiest urinal I've ever used. :frown:
Q. What do you call a girl who keeps secrets? A. Chantelle.
The kid next door says his dad hits him with roof tiles & door knobs. He comes from a broken home...
DAILY MIRROR: Edinburgh Zoo's female giant panda Tian Tian may be pregnant DAILY MAIL: Chinese immigrant scroungers to have baby.
The local farmer has made it easier for people to get in & out of his fields. I like his stile.
This company doesn't currently list the Monster on their web site, but might be worth asking if they can help? They produce quite a range of...
I've just won the World Domestic Violence Championship. I knocked my mother in law out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.
Paddy is on trial for domestic violence. The judge asks "Why do you keep beating your wife Paddy?" Paddy replies, "Probably because of my weight...
Penis to testicles: "Right lads, get ready and I'll take you to a party!" Testicles to penis: "You fecking liar, you always go inside and leave...
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with being a compulsive liar. Then she sucked my cock.
If your budget is £1,000, don't ask Wayne Rooney for advice. He paid £2,000 for a 19-year old escort.
The horse-drawn carriages in Stanley Park (Vancouver) have a kind of collector between the horse's back end & the carriage to stop the future...
My wife tore me off a strip this morning & said I was rude for yawning all the time she was talking. I wasn't yawning, I was just trying to say...
I pulled a heavy duty munter last night down the boozer. Feck me she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan...had more hands up...
There's nothing funny about syphilis. Unless your doctor has a lisp.
Q. What do you call a Russian with Tourette's Syndrome? A. Yukanol Fukov.
Aston Villa have announced they are retiring row Z at Villa Park. As a belated honour to Emile Heskey.
My mate wishes his new girlfriend was like Liverpool FC. ......Easy
