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Apparently German cars now have the lowest CO2 ratings on the market. Making up for all the gas they used in the 1940s?
My wife's bark is worse than her bite. But it's pretty fecking scary that she barks at all.
I take my bike to Cornerspeed. Nelly is a top bloke! :upyeah:
A man visited his friends after having a sex change. "Did it hurt when they chopped your balls off?" The friend asked. "Yeah, but it hurt more...
Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking intents.
I like my women like I like my Blackberry. Too small for my fingers.
Women are like iPhones: you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like BlackBerry's: rub one ball and everything moves.
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and...
My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.
A remake of one of Nicholas Cage's movies is being filmed in Wales: Goat Rider.
Watching Gordon Ramsey Behind Bars - he wants the prisoners to show they have the ability to give something back to society. My TV and...
In a revenge move, the porn industry has initiated action to have The Daily Mail banned.
I stood behind my wife and removed her bra. She said, "keep doing that to my nipples, I love it." I said, "That's sod all to do with me, they're...
I went to a school sports day at a Japanese school last week. It was quite enjoyable, but the egg & chopstick race was a bit of a challenge.
I ordered a leather sofa from the Ikea website last week. I now have a dead cow & some instructions on how to skin it.
Cabinet reshuffles: Like shitting on a shit to try to hide the fact that it's a shit.
Wonder how much maternity leave Kate Middleton will take before she goes back to doing nothing?
A would-be UKIP candidate was sacked for saying foetuses with Downs Syndrome should be aborted. Does that may him a doom-monger or a mong-doomer?
I got a student loan last week. Wish I'd never bothered, all he does is sit around drinking my beer & eating crisps.
A piggy bank goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm feeling a little empty inside, nobody ever seems to give me anything back!" "Don't worry,"...
