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Q. What did one G4S guard say to the other? A. Nothing, the other one didn't turn up.
Q. How many G4S staff does it take to change a lightbulb? A. 6 soldiers and a policeman
I once had an affair with a member of the Royal family. I'm not allowed to say who, for regal liasions.
The PM is quick to jump on a bandwagon, keeps the plebs from spotting stuff he doesn't want them to see. Such as how we paid to take his passport...
TGV trains, or Train à Grande Vitesse, are the high speed trains of the SNCF, the French national rail network, and can reach speeds of up to 200...
He looks a grand little chap. Good luck to him for a speedy recovery. :upyeah:
There are only a few impossible tasks for a human. For example: 1. You can't count all the hairs on your own head; 2. You can't wash your...
Apple are about to complete a sponsorship deal with Newcastle United. You'll be able to download their games through iToons!
Q. How do you teach a blonde maths? A. Add a bed, subtract her knickers, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope...
The academy schools have the choice to follow the curriculum or not. Some do, some don't.
To all vegetarians: My food shits on your food.......
I have something called the Jehovah's Witness Relocation Programme. Anyone knocking on my door at 8 am on a Sunday, their family will never...
I don't like the concept that the new national curriculum can be ignored by the Academy schools. If the new curriculum is so good, why shouldn't...
I was nearly raped in jail last night. My family take Monopoly far too seriously.
I met William Hague & told him, "My dad says you're spying on us." Hague said, "He's not your dad."
Once upon a time my body was loose and flexible and my dick was constantly stiff! Now my dick is loose and flexible and my body's constantly stiff!
3/4 length trousers...For people who look a twat in shorts, but have a tattoo they want you to see.
After finding 5 Mars bars, 3 Snickers, a Flake and a packet of m&m's, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to be a bounty hunter!
Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. A fish.
My wife always has to go over the top. She's too fat to get through the gaps in the fence.
