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Two flies buzzing around a news stand selling the Daily Mail: "Weird," says one, "I can smell the shit but can't find it anywhere ..."
That's an interesting telephone/home delivery service...:wink:
Lots of people selling 10 stone balls on ebay: 1738g AAA 10PCS Polished Septarian Dragon Stone Sphere Healing on eBay!
Just seen the Daily Mail 2013 advent calendar. There's a family of immigrants behind every door.
The Infinite Monkey Theorem suggests that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite amount of time, one of them will produce the...
In the hospital there is a sign that reads: IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS So when one of the patients started to have a heart attack, I...
My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
During a recent password audit in our office, it was found that the new blonde was using the following password:...
Las Vegas and Billericay don't have a lot in common. But they are the only two places on Earth where you can pay for sex with chips.
If you leave a dog in a car in this weather, with no water or ventilation, it could be dead in fifteen minutes Leave the heater on as well, wait...
Q. How do you catch a mechanically inclined squirrel? A. Climb a tree and act like a 9/16-12N nut.
Q. How do you make a lemon orgasm? A. By tickling its citrus...
Had a 175cc BSA Bantam, Yamaha RD200 (drum brake model) & a Yamaha RD400. The 400 had a nice set of Jim Lomas expansion pipes, Mikuni carbs &...
There are companies who will make swim goggles with prescription lenses, and I believe it is possible to have prescription lenses incorporated...
Q. What do you call a chubby oriental midget? A. Lo Fat.
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.
When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely. Since then I've got a dog, bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drink...
Q. What is the most effective contraception for women over the age of 50? A. Nudity.
Patient: "Can I shower with diarrhoea?" Doctor: "Only if you have enough."
My South African ex-girlfriend said, "I'm leaving you because you taught my son to wink." She also said, "And I'm never coming bick."
