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"I see." Said the blind man who picked up the hammer & saw...
Q. What did The Little Mermaid wear? A. An algaebra.
In the sleepy village of Hisbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a man called Joshua Lykes. He is the Landlord of the local pub,...
Q. What's the difference between Jeremy Forrest and Nick Clegg? A. Jeremy Forrest takes his students to Paris before he f*cks them.
Injury Lawyers 4U are rubbish. When our neighbour's 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing our fence they told me to take a picture of her...
I've just written a book about the inventions of Thomas Edison. It's for those who enjoy a spot of light reading.
Q. How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Just one, but she has to change it 30 times before deciding which one makes her look...
I've decided to call my new dog '5 miles' So now I can tell everyone I walk 5 miles every day.
Our parish priest has a really bad stutter. He's a mass murderer.
Apparently some chemists stock lemon-flavoured condoms that can help you to do similar...
First class stamps are becoming so expensive. Soon, buying one will get you dinner with David Cameron...
David Cameron should be nominated to recieve a nobel prize for his commitment to recycling. Recycling the same fecking lies since 2010....
You never see Superman and Clark Kent in the same room at the same time You never see Spiderman and Peter Parker in the same room at the same...
I dozed off at a local residents meeting whilst our useless MP was droning on. She rounded on me in front of everyone & demanded, "Must you sleep...
Unfortunately cabinet ministers are like a good book. You can't put them down....
Q. What's blue and fucks old people? A. Hypothermia. Or Iain Duncan Smith in a blue coat.
Just filled up the tank with petrol. My goldfish doesn't look too happy..
My wife told me to buy her something that made her look sexy. She didn't look too impressed when I came home with two crates of beer.....
Had a beer last night and on the label it said "Best Drunk Before January 31, 2014". Finally someone has recognised my talent.
So there was a disaster at The X factor final after a technical problem with the microphones. They were working......
