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A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen...
A dad buys a lie detecter robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" Son says, "At...
A politician boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took...
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
Q. How does David Cameron sleep? A. First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
Q: Why did God invent politicians? A: So that estate agents would have someone to look down on.
Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a Conservative party convention? A: The caterer.
Q. What's the difference between a rich kid and a puppy? A. If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining
A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However,...
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ lounge that said: “Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.”...
Revlon has launched a new facial lotion for Jewish women. It's called Oil of Oy Vey.
A miserable-looking man was sitting in a bar one night. "Why are you looking so sad?" asked the barman. "My wife's made me a millionaire."...
I went to the Grand National last year. Unfortunately my nag lost a shoe and fell. Can't take my wife anywhere.
Justin Bieber has a pet monkey? Why do I feel that 15 years from now he'll be black and molesting children?
I was in a cafe in Australia, and the waiter asked how I wanted my steak done. I replied, "Fry me kangaroo brown, sport."
Q: What lies on its back, a hundred feet in the air?.....A: A dead centipede.
Paolo Di Canio is setting his sights higher than just avoiding relegation at Sunderland. Next season he's aiming to lead them into Europe.
My mate is addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop anytime.
Texting codes for Senior Citizens ATD - At the Doctor's BFF - Best Friend's Funeral BTW - Bring the Wheelchair BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth...
