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Teacher: "Now then class, let's do some simple sums. I give you a £10 and you take a £1. What do I have?" Little Johnny: "A bank account in...
Q. How do you get a duck to sing 'Ain't No Sunshine'? A. Put it in the oven until its bill withers.
The mother in law told me that onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry. To prove her wrong, I hit her in the face with a turnip.
Which model are you looking for?
My mate says his new girlfriend is just like Heather Mills. She only wears half the fecking shoes she buys.
Did you hear about the Irish Exorcism ? A woman had to call in the Devil to get the Catholic Priest out of her son...
Self examination for Alzheimer's Disease It takes less than 15 seconds.... If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test....
My dyslexic mate choked on his own vimto.
A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up & down and nipples sticking out in the cold. His colleagues have just been charged with...
Q. What did the two pregnant nuns say to the Mother Superior? A. Benedictus.
If you are heading home via the Channel Tunnel, La Coupole near St Omer is worth a visit IMHO: Tourisme Nord pas de Calais : Musée de Saint-Omer...
Q. What should you do with an epileptic lettuce? A. Make a seizure salad.
The Mars Corporation has announced the closure of the Pedigree Chum factory. Apparently it has gone into retrievership.
Apparently the gay porn star Arpad Miklos died much in the same way as Ayrton Senna. With skid marks on his helmet....
I was stopped in the street by a tramp who said, "I haven't had food for so many days, I've forgotten what it tastes like." I replied...
Plenty of tits & arses in these pics. :wink: [ATTACH] [ATTACH] [ATTACH]
That means I'll definitely be going to hell, and I'll never know why!
Q. What do the Premier League and a cordless drill have in common? A. No Leeds.
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.
A yorkshireman took his cat to the vet's & said to the vet, "Will you have a look at my cat?" The vet replied, "Is it a tom?" The yorkshireman...
