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Newsflash!! Lemon flavoured condoms now on sale. You come in a Jiffy....
This May Be THE Definition of a True Friend [ATTACH]
The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you!" she said, and then...
Very best wishes for your continued recuperation. :upyeah:
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove...
SAVE MONEY on milk by not reporting your neighbour's death. You can even leave a note for their milkman to bring more expensive items like...
Q. Why did 80,000 people boo George Osborne? A. Because the Olympic Stadium wouldn't hold any more people...
Q. What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday? A. Forget it once.
A journalist asked Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers, "With all the ins and outs over the summer, how far do you think you are from a good team?"...
POTHOLERS. Take a tip from cats and avoid getting stuck in holes by growing a moustache to the exact width of your body.
CORDLESS phones make ideal mobile phones for agoraphobics.
Two interesting facts about me. 1) My willy is the same length as 3 Argos pens. 2) I'm banned from Argos.
Edward Deidde, the man who spent his entire life explaining that his surname was 'Deed' has collapsed. He was airlifted to hospital where he was...
He writes books (with his friends) too: The Green Benches: Jeremy Hunt co-authored a book in 2009 calling for the NHS to be dismantled & no...
STUDENTS. When asked to write a 3000 word essay, simply draw 3 pictures, as they are worth 1000 words each.
COMMUTERS: Make sure you get a seat on a crowded bus by carrying a raw egg & a hanky. Pretend to sneeze loudly into the hanky whilst crushing...
Very nice. Saw 2 Diavel Carbons having fun in the hills & around town when we were on holiday in Port-Vendres a couple of weeks ago.
You can't get blood out of a stone, unless my mother-in-law is involved in the negotiation.
My father-in-law was full of good advice: "Why go out for a burger, when you've got a fat cow at home."
HEAVY DRINKERS: When very drunk and taking a dump, never under any circumstances stop to blow your nose when wiping your arse.
