My sister is an ex addict of something truly unpleasant. Clean for 25 years now after really hitting rock bottom. I shared her therapy sessions and had to quietly face a few of my own inadequacies. We all have them and mostly keep them under control, but the relief of knowing there is an uncritical and open mind ready to listen is the real way out. You are a very brave man, but importantly you have solved this yourself. She takes every day as if it was the first day clean, it is like a daily re-birth, but it really works. I wish you all the best.
Thanks mte and thanks all of you.. I think the moderators should open up a “ how can I help?” Forum.. lol It’s so strange as I’ve let more out info wise in the last few weeks than I have in 43 years of mental torture and self harm.. I remember when I was 15 and the year long abuse by the 9 elders finally stopped, I had actually got used to the pain etc and bearing in mind that was 1976 I really didn’t know if what they had done to me was just normal eg a life experience.. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it as I’d been assured of what they would do to my then 11 year old sister.. So no teachers, no parents, no police ect.. so I began harming with a drawing compass and carried on for 40 odd years.. it wasn’t until thinking I was about to be sacked at my place of work about 8 years ago now for having a full on panic attack 300 ft up a crane that I came out to a company nurse at the Occ Health centre.. when I took my t shirt off and showed her some of the scars I had from the elders she wept in front of me.. I later asked her was what they’d done normal? Well now I know it’s anything but and you would see 20 years inside for what some of them had done.. All well and good but from there it left me thinking, does that mean I’m weak? Am I now of a different gender? What and who am I ? It’s only now I’m really finding out tbh.. I lost my faith in mankind I lost my faith in everyone especially other men, even my Son as he grew up, I just couldn’t hug him or anything even though I was so so proud of him.. my Dear old Dad who will always be my idol, again as much as he wanted it I couldn’t hug or show any affection to him.. before I knew it he collapsed with a stroke and never came out of his coma.. I hope you can see just what affect a trigger from you brain can have on ones life.. If you care for someone, I urge you to let them know it ASAP .. Let me assure you all, I’m probably in the best place I’ve been for as long as I can remember and that’s in main because I now feel little shame for the choices someone decided to give me and the scars? Well, I look at them as a road map of places once visited but ones I don’t intend visiting anymore.. Hugs a many x NOODS
Brave post fella. I don’t pretend to understand any of it, it’s just not me. As long as Norwich are winning, my 1098’s still purring & the wife’s still there when I get home, I’m happy, but like most people I do know someone personally that suffers & I’ve seen what they’ve been through so all the very best Noods. Here’s to that lush 916 in your future!
Luvly words man.. you and your Sister are an inspiration to the likes of me too.. please give her my best wishes for a happy future.. x
I meet a lot of teenagers requiring help etc through my NSPCC and relate work.. depending on how I’m doing I normally do 6 -10 hours a week pure voluntary work. I’m not a counsellor but I’m brought in to try to break barriers down by using the experience I have of the issues this guys are experiencing.. It’s the one tool Counsellors normally don’t have. So when as I may do at times, I roll my sleeve up and show this person what I’ve done to myself, it’s incredible to get that reaction, that connection with them, it could be how their eyes widen or a glimmer of a smile, to me that’s special. They are not allowed to know my name or have any of my details and I none of theirs, but it’s not needed tbf, it’s worth it all when that Girl or boy starts to open up for the first time.. I imagine what their parents are or maybe have been going through and hope this may be the start of better things for all their family.. It’s a tough call, for it’s called self harm, but, in essence it actually affects so many more than just the individual one harmed.. A normal reaction is “ it’s my body or skin, I will do what I want to it” Well yes it maybe that, but your pain is most likely also being shared by your Mother your Sister your Brother and Father.. X
Well done mate, I was the same from 14 until my mid 20s, and I only told my mum a year ago so I fully understand. Well done and keep it up!
Noods, You may have a point about the moderators opening a site for members to "open up". I would cautiously surmise that most of us are 1. Male and 2. Not youths. Like you we grew up in an era of fear of our superiors and were very easy to persuade to keep schtumm about stuff that was not normal. We also don't talk about "stuff". As you have very candidly described, those events from our past are permanently logged in the memory and have the potential to reap untold damage of all dimensions to ourselves and those around us. Letting them out has an amazing cleansing and relief effect. Each one of us could, I am sure, tell a story...
Yes mte I think it would be really useful.. it definitely helps if you can openly talk to like minded people about your troubles.. the majority of people really want to help and the good thing about discussing it via a forum is your not sat in front of anyone discussing it, you can be wherever you feel best .. also no wait for an appointment.. just go to it and post whatever is bothering either yourself or a friend perhaps...
Thank you.. I can’t express just what a relief it is to get it out of my head and out there.. TY to the Moderator’s for allowing me to do so..
BBC News (dodgy with the truth as they are) had a bit on Norfolk and Suffolk mental health services issues and that it was worst performing in the country (I lived in Norfolk for a few years hence it got my interest). A very sobering state of affairs until they showed the new health minister (Jeremy *unt's replacement) saying how bad it was - he's the arse that won't give them the money to provide the service?! Apparently been on the shit list for 3 years so why no government help rather than shameing?? Those tvvats really get my goat to say the least
Dont start us all off ... the reason the government are not giving any money is they are busy funding all the foreigners that are still coming here for all the handouts and freebies .... shit im off again !!! the NHS would not have a problem if it was not for all the foreigners getting free NHS treatment and handouts ... were has looking after your own gone to .... better leave it there opps
I’m not a frequent forum user - more of an observer, if u like - signing in when i can’t pass on by. Well, I couldn’t pass on by without saying how totally in awe I am of you, being brave enough to come throug all that, and then tell all - amazing. Really , truly, amazing.
Blimey Noods! Fair play to you for 'coming out and I bet it helps immensely to get it off your chest?. Whilst I never suffered the things you have, I have suffered (am still to a bit) from depression but as was mentioned above by @Paul55 being born in the 60's it was a case of 'oh pull your self together man and stop being a wuss!'. It took me over 12 years before I went to the Dr about it, that was almost 2 years ago now and then I just broke down in tears in front of him. FFS, I'm 56 and I'm sobbing my heart out! I showed him the scars (and I only started self harming 2 years ago) and he referred my immediately to my local mental health unit. They interviewed me and wanted to admit me and stop me going back home. I know it was due to my suicidal ideation and was for my own protection but all I could think of was One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 'Fuck me, I'm not mental, I might have mental health issues but I'm not mental. I could end up worse if I go in there. I'm going home.' Anti-depressants were prescribed and taken, still are being taken, but I'm scheduled to slowly withdraw from them in the New Year, and CBT was undergone. It all helped and I'm now adjusting to the life event(s) that caused it. I don't even know why I'm writing all this now other than, it does help to get things off your chest and anyone reading this is anonymous to me. It's the embarrassment that's probably the worst thing, for me anyway 'OMG, if I expose it everyone will know I've got mental health issues' - next to no-one knows but I fear they all know. I live in a small rural village, everyone knows me, I was so embarrassed the first time I went into the local pharmacy to get my pills! I wish I'd been more up-front about it earlier in my life, I probably would have had a happier last 12 years, as would my family, but it's so difficult to admit these things because, on the whole, we fear it will be seen as a sign of weakness and weakness should not be exposed for fear of others exploiting it - probably an old pre-historic survival thing embedded in our DNA - hence we hide it away. Anyway, well done Noods for talking about it and clearly, this morning, for some bizarre reason, you've caused me to write about it - thank you. I don't want sympathy from anyone who reads this, I just want to make others aware that mental health issues are all around us, amongst our family and friends, but usually remain incredibly well hidden, even from those closest to the person, due to the stigma attached to the issue and what appears to be a perfectly normal and happy and well functioning person on the outside can sometimes be riddled with angst on the inside. I wish you all the best on your future path Noods.
Mte I have nothing but respect for both you and for your words, immense admiration and total respect . Admitting you have MH issues of any kind does not make you weak, on the contrary it shows your strength. I don’t mean this in a sexist way at all but, Our luvly lady’s, if they are worried about anything in life what do they do? They meet up with a couple of friends for a coffee and spill their heart out to them, guys on the other hand by nature will put on a show in front of friends and work colleagues by laughing and smiling to hide the anguish within, no way are they going to ask for help or go down the pub with a couple of chums for a blub and a beer.. Strength? You can’t be given strength, it comes from within, you demand it of yourself when and where it’s most needed.. I’ve seen 6”6inch guys in pieces along with guys of 5”4inches, in essence at their very weakest, yes it’s a very sad and lonely place for anyone of any size or stature to be at, but when they find the strength to share that alledged weakness with a friend or perhaps a stranger that someone, becomes someone of strength.. The desire to adress the alledged issue, that’s a strong guy.. The weak guy is not the one who breaks down in front of someone, the weak guy is normally the “look at me “ type of guy, the one that questions other people’s lives etc. We have them where I work, many of them, the ones who pick on others with negative talk etc and how they try to gather support of others like a pack of hyena circling their victim.. there is your weak man.. He’s the man who comes to work try to make himself happier by tearing shreds from others lives, he’s probably under the thumb at home and living a life of misery himself that’s why he’s acting this way, self pity.. Yesterday I took part in a 3 hour phone conference with the South West enquiry, 3 of them and just the one of me.. they had approached me to gather experience of someone who had been affected by child abuse etc purely for the government backed enquiry to gain the information to help other potential victims before it possibly becomes too late.. I was shattered after all that time talking etc, but I was elated too. To give, is also for one to receive.. You or anyone else are most welcome to PM me if you wish to discuss how your feeling, privately and in total confidence at anytime.. Be strong by asking... Choose to share the load and your friends will be many, trust me, “ My Son” X
