Favourite one liners

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Stressed Hippo, Oct 20, 2012.

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  1. I see you've noticed my chest. Unfortunately, you seem to have missed the pneumatic three-inch nail gun in my hand.
     
    #21 Char, Oct 20, 2012
  2. "And that one's for John Lennon!" - Colin Farrell, 'In Bruge' - brilliant film, with the other classic scene with overweight American tourists.
     
    #22 efcbluepete, Oct 20, 2012
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  3. "Don't even look at it!" - Spinal Tap, Nigel (isn't it?) worried the "film maker" is going to touch his guitar. Classic!
     
    #23 gliddofglood, Oct 20, 2012
  4. My brother when faced with two (larger than him) drunks who wanted to pick a fight with him in a pub.............

    My brother to first heavyweight drunk whilst pointing at the second heavyweight drunk: "if you don't fuck off right now I'm gonna hit you with him"

    The pair of them just shut up and immediately fucked off. Works a treat. :upyeah:
     
    #24 El Toro, Oct 20, 2012
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  5. The Italian Job........having destroyed the armoured van in a "practice" run......"you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off"!! Classic!!
     
    #25 baylissboy, Oct 20, 2012
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  6. "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."
     
    #26 Greyman, Oct 20, 2012
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  7. I have the pad but here's one that always makes the missus laugh, from Tomorrow Never Dies " you always were a cunning linguist James"
     
    #27 Archer17, Oct 21, 2012
  8. Simpsons
    Bart thinks his dog is ill. He gets his grandad to take look. Grandad says the "dog is dead."
    Bart says "But his tail is wagging?"
    Grandad " Dogs tails wagg for up to 4 hours after they are dead!"
    :smile:

    The whole script for Withnail and I
     
    #28 twids, Oct 21, 2012
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  9. "Tomato-Ted-aubergine-your-potato-wife's-turnip-dead"
     
    #29 Rob998, Oct 21, 2012
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  10. The case before us is that of the Crown versus Captain Edmund Blackadder, alias the Flanders Pigeon Murderer. Oh, and hand me the black cap, will you - I'll be needing that
     
    #30 Char, Oct 21, 2012
  11. "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!"

    "Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?"
     
    #31 Mac, Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  12. My favourite 18th century one -
    The Earl of Sandwich: You will die either on the gallows or of the pox!
    John Wilkes MP: That must depend on whether I embrace your lordship’s principles, or your mistress.
     
    #32 Pete1950, Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  13. I Know what youre thinking, was it 5, or was it 6, go on punk!! make my day - Dirty Harry

    Who took the jam out of your doughnut ??? -- Snatch

    “It's 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses!....................HIT IT!!!” - Blues Brothers
     
    #33 DucAngel, Oct 21, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Get with the beat Baggy!
     
    #34 749er, Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  15. "You're not getting this back you know, I consider it asshole tax"
     
    #35 Greyman, Oct 21, 2012
  16. May not be pc but a few years ago I was walking through a german supermarket while in the Army, a german woman saw a soldier smack his kids backside for screaming n the lady said......in Germany we dont hit our children n the squaddie came back instantly with....in England we don't gas our Jews..... Pissed myself! Lady just walked off muttering something in german...
     
    #36 JimVee, Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  17. Reminds me of the rumour many years ago that the female singer Connie Francis had married the owner of the Irish National Airline.
     
    #37 Stressed Hippo, Oct 21, 2012
  18. "Yippee ki yay, mother fucker!"
     
    #38 efcbluepete, Oct 21, 2012
  19. 'Candygram for Mongo...'
     
    #39 figaro, Oct 22, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  20. love that film. Lent it to an old work colleague, never got it back. :-(
     
    #40 efcbluepete, Oct 22, 2012
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