We just agreed to provide a new home for my mate's Labrador. When I asked him why he is parting with such a lovely dog he replied: "I don't need him anymore, I got a boomerang for Christmas."
"I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my wife." Best epitaph I've ever seen on a headstone.
I hear Denis Law was asked a question - "Would your Man U team beat the the present day team" He answered "yes 1-0 "why such a low score" he was asked " because we are all over 70 now" was the reply.
The neighbours have invited us round for New Year's Eve drinks with nibbles. They treat that bloody cat like royalty...
Did you know Yorkshire is the first county to be mentioned in the bible? It says right at the begining "Three wise men came from the East Riding on camels..."
A new aerobics instructor starts a class in Yorkshire - "right" she says "hands on thighs..." So they did, and none of 'em could see owt !
They say Plymothians laugh at jokes three times. The first when eveyone else gets it. The second a week later when they think they've got it. And the third a month later when someone explains it to them...
I was given a George Formby fryer for Christmas, and it's brilliant. Doesn't matter what food you put in it, it always turns out nice again.
Whilst travelling across London, I was advised to change at Bank for the DLR. I didn't know the DLR had a dress code...
Have you heard about the new breed of dog developed specially for financial advisors ? It's a cross between a Newfoundland and a Basset Hound. It's called a Newfound Asset Hound...
Our accountant asked the wife if she had any shares. She replied that she had 125 shares in Facebook & over 1,200 likes.
Why should you never ask someone if they're from Yorkshire? If they aren't, they'll be insulted... If they are - they'll have told you already !
