One day, in Biblical world, long after the great flood waters had died down, God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God me old Supreme Being, anything you want. After all - you're the guv'... " But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?" "Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers. "Fish?", queries Noah " Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Koi carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Koi Carp!" Noah looks to the skies. "OK... God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?" "Check". "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?". "Check". "And you want it full of Carp?". "Check" "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly getting increasingly worried about either the sanity of God or his own hearing... "Dunno", says God.... . . . . . "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
Noticing a fat couple kissing, my wife said, "Did you ever go out with a fat girl before?" "No you were the first" probably wasn't the best response....
Sports Direct have just started selling Jimmy Saville replica tracksuits. The tops are Adult size but you have to squeeze into childs bottoms.
"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me....
So far in Scrabble my team's losing, despite using 'boobies', 'willy' and 'fannyfart'. We'll be having serious words later.
