Joke Page

An tourist accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a Irish country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked the farmer for help, and the farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

 

News Flash

The North Koreans have announced their first "convenience" snack food.

They're calling it "Not Poodle"

 

My next door neighbour is a lovely Asian gentleman. He went to the doctors with a frog on his head. The doctor said how can I help you the Frog said, well it all started with a spot on my arse.

 

My lovely new Asian neighbour was at the bottom of his garden holding a hammer. I walked down my side of the fence & leaned over & pointed at myself & said Steve. He pointed at himself & said. Hamed A Shed.

 

True story

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a pro golfer (and married man), was at his home in Dallas , Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English ?"

Lee responded, "Yes M'aam, I do"

The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work ?"

Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

 

In a private London hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR..

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. . . ! He pushed "WW". Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the "WA" button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the "PP" button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure! The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure!

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the "ATR" button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

'The button ATR is an "Automatic Tampon Remover - your penis is under your pillow'