Joke Page

I told my wife I was feeling horny the other day.

'Well, we can soon sort that out' she said with a wink, and slowly undressed.

She was right. I stopped feeling horny immediately.

 

A blind guy sits down at a table outside a restaurant and says to the waiter, "I'm sorry, but I’m blind and can't read the menu.
So just bring me a dirty fork, I'll smell it, and order from there."

The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, breathes deep, and says, "Ah, that's what I'll have bacon and cabbage."

The waiter can't believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Joan, she's the chef.

The next day the blind guy walks in and the waiter says, "I'll get you a dirty fork." He gets a dirty fork, hands it to the blind guy.
The blind guy smells it, and says, "That smells great. " I'll have the bowl of Irish stew today "

The waiter thinks the blind guy is bullshitting with him, so the next day when the blind guy walks in, he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, "Joan, rub this fork on your crotch."

She does it, and then he goes out and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff,
and says,

"Are you kidding me? I had no idea that Joan worked here."

 

My lad asked me" What she had been doing for the last 20 years?.........Eating?"

 

“No lock on our toilet door-everyone developed a long leg, and we all were good singers” (the great Frank Carson)

 

The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening, and to ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily. "You are truly a wise veterinarian," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: "My wife is from Sicily."