Joke Page

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair...try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied....





















"I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker"

 

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, 'I've been a little sick to my stomach.'

The older doctor says, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit.

Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?'

As they left the younger man said, 'You didn't even examine that woman?

How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?'

'I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin. That was probably what was making her sick.'

'Ah,' the younger doctor said. 'Pretty clever. I'll try that at the next house.'

Arriving at the next house they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman.

She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, 'I'm feeling terribly run down lately.'

'You've probably been doing too much work for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

'I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed.'

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the frozen mountains. 5 hours later they see a town.

Freezing, they decide to have some whiskey to warm up. Entering the Bar they are stopped.

"Sorry no redskins allowed in", says guy at door.

"No problem", says Tonto, "You go in Kemo Sabe and I`ll keep warm by jumping up and down on the spot".

2 hours later, an old timer enters the bar.

"Is the Lone Ranger in here?", he shouts.

"Yes", say a drinker, "He is through the back. The guy with the mask".

The old guy goes through the back and sees him.

"Hey Lone Ranger", he yells, "Just came in to tell you that you've left your injun running"