1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 412 of 470
  1. Patient: "Dr Dr i feel like a dog"
    Doctor: "How long has this been going on"
    Patient: "Since i was pup"
    Doctor: "Take a seat over there"
    Patient: "I'm not allowed on the furniture"
     
    #8221 HyperActivePaul, May 2, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 5
  2. The police have arrested the World Tongue Twister champion:

    The courts have said he will be given a tough sentence.
     
    #8222 Rudolph Hart, May 2, 2020
    • Like Like x 3
    • Funny Funny x 1
  3. I entered the world erection championships

    I got through to the semi’s...
     
    #8223 Talentless, May 3, 2020
    • Like Like x 2
  4. I was chatting to my mate Dave on Zoom yesterday afternoon and he said “My wife, Julie, will be on the plane now”

    “I didn’t know she was off on holiday” I said

    “She’s not” said Dave “she’s taking an inch off the bottom of the kitchen door”
     
    #8224 El Toro, May 3, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. My mate's son wants to call their new dog 'Frost'.

    When I asked why he chose that name, the lad replied, "Because Frost bites!"
     
    #8225 Rudolph Hart, May 3, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. I went to this new zoo a while back, when i got there all there was, was a dog in a pen!!!!

    Wouldn't recommend

    It was a Shih Tzu
     
    #8226 HyperActivePaul, May 3, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. I’ve decided to leave the Secret Society I belong to but don’t know where to send my resignation
     
    #8227 El Toro, May 3, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  8. During the last session with the lads in the pub, apparently a joke I told about herbs and fish offended some people...

    I now realise that there is a thyme and plaice for everything.
     
    #8228 Rudolph Hart, May 3, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. poignant Terry.
     
    #8229 Chris, May 7, 2020
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. My mate says he's taking to having sex with his wife at 8pm on Thursdays:

    He says it feels like the whole street is cheering them on...
     
    #8230 Rudolph Hart, May 7, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. Q. What do staffies and cats have in common?

    A. Not much judging by the way our dog threw next door's tabby 20ft across the garden this morning.
     
    #8231 Rudolph Hart, May 21, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. if Satan ever went bald and started wearing a hairpiece, there would be hell toupee
     
    #8232 wroughtironron, Jun 1, 2020
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. My mate has started using a new dating app last night, and he received pictures of a cock and an arsehole.

    He wants to know what he is supposed to do with photos of Dominic Cummings and Boris Johnson??
     
    #8233 Rudolph Hart, Jun 1, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1
  14. The worst thing about condoms is when you pull out and see a broken one on the end of your knob when you never had one on to start with
     
    #8234 wroughtironron, Jun 1, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 4
  15. I’m trying to remember a song about sheep.

    But I can’t get past the first two bars..
     
    #8235 Rudolph Hart, Jun 1, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Like Like x 1
  16. My wife told me "Ron, you need to embrace your mistakes in life"

    So I gave her a quick hug
     
    #8236 wroughtironron, Jun 7, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 4
  17. I asked my mate if he was born with a photographic memory, or did it take time to develop?
     
    #8237 Rudolph Hart, Jun 7, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 3
  18. How much pain do you think Stevie Wonder was in when they took his liver out?
     
    #8238 Mac, Jun 17, 2020
  19. My mate said his wife isn't fat:

    She was just born with an over-active knife and fork..
     
    #8239 Rudolph Hart, Jun 17, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  20. 25560E5E-6DFB-463A-9900-1E4FA2B2B0D8.jpeg
     
    #8240 J biker, Jun 18, 2020
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 412 of 470
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Do Not Sell My Personal Information